A
male
age
30-35,
*arco3
writes:my girlfriend and soon to be wife puts herself down and its all because of me. well not exactly me its because of my past and her past. before her i had a girlfriend and our relationship did not work out and during those times i was falling in love with my current girlfriend now and soon to be wife also she had a boyfriend at that time.moving on... we both broke up with our relationships and we started a relationship of our own.it was working very well until my ex girlfriend started to make her move. she made it look that she wanted to make friends with my girlfriend but the real truth is she was backstabbing her to the point that my girlfriend and i had a lot of fights because of her. when my ex and i had a chance to talk. she opened up that she wanted me back that is why she was doing this. then my girlfriend and i got over our fights and tried to ignore my ex.my ex seeing that she was losing, she made another move and started destroying my girlfriend's name and maybe her reputation. she calls her a flirty girl, a girl who isnt satisfied to only one boyfriend(pertaining to the past relationship of my girlfriend) and she also says that she is only using me for my money which is stupid because i am not rich. at first we were like please stop. but now it seems that my ex got the attention of others and other people are trying to judge my girlfriend, which results to my girlfriend being affected and puts herself down because of those judgements. i know my girlfriend better than those people because were 1 year 4 months and counting... i want to help her get over this. i blame myself for this.Please help
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broke up, ex girlfriend, flirt, her past, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (25 December 2012):
Hello. Probably the most important thing to consider here, is that you and your current girlfriend, trust each other completely.
And that is the best possible foundation for a long and happy life together.
A
male
reader, marco3 +, writes (24 December 2012):
marco3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You for all those who answered... it widened my view over the situationthanks :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (16 December 2012):
Hi there. There is certainly some insecurity there, for sure.
It's very clear that your ex wants you back.
And maybe this is because she has no-one of her own at the moment.
So she would rather have someone she knows, than no-one at all.
Your relationship with your current girlfriend - soon to be your wife - was started on deceit, wasn't it?
And so your ex is trying to say that your current girlfriend is dishonest and can't be trusted, because of the past.
Both you and your current girlfriend, were in relationships when you first met.
And so it was a beginning, where you were both cheating on your partners back then.
You can't turn back time, and you can do nothing whatsoever about the circumstances of how you met.
All you can both do is to ACCEPT how things are now.
Your ex can only control you and your girlfriend, if you allow her to.
You can't CHANGE her behaviour, so all that you can do is to CHANGE how you react to her emotional outbursts.
She can only ever have any impact on you and your current girlfiend, while ever you react in the way you currently do.
You can't ignore her, no. That's impossible.
So all you can do, is to just be kind, respectful, considerate towards these things she says and does and NOT get angry or upset - at all.
So then what happens, is when she sees she doesn't have the effect on you that she previously had, well then she will see no point in carrying on in that way anymore.
Do you know what I mean here?
And especially in how you change your reaction, I mean that you no longer become angry or upset.
That you DO NOT even allow yourself to "feel" those negative feelings.
It will then have NO EFFECT whatsoever on either you or your current girlfriend.
So your ex will see that she is simply wasting her time, and will eventually stop this "Bullying" behaviour altogether.
Then you and your soon to be wife, can just get on with your own lives, and be happy and "At Peace".
And that will be a very happy time for you both, I'm sure.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (15 December 2012):
 Talk to your GF and assure her that you love her and tell her that both of you need to be strong and not to allow anybody to destroy your good relationship.To make her feel that you are protecting her and supporting her, tell your ex-gf in front of your girlfriend to leave you both alone. Then leave your ex and ignore her like she doesn't exist.Make your girlfriend understand that she is more worthy and that she needs to believe in herself that she is worthy. Do not give your ex a chance to affect you both. Completely ignore her like she does not exist. Eventually, she will get tired of attacking you both because she cannot get what she wants...that is, to destroy your loving relationship with your fiancee. Move on and be happy together.
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