A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help me, I desperately need help and I don't know what to do anymore.I have met the most amazing girl ever. She is kind, thoughtful, sweet, caring, faithful, intelligent, fun..everything that a man could want. We never even argue. What is the problem? She is 32 and I am 20. Well, it is not a problem for me, but maybe it could be a problem for her.The first time I saw her, I just knew this was the one. I want to be with this girl for the rest of my life, get married, have children one day etc. She looks very young (about 23) and I didn't look 19 (at the time) When I found out her age it didnt matter to me, when she found out mine she said I was too young. But it didn't matter to me, I knew she was the one so I persisted until I won her over. We have now been together for 8mths and planning to move in together.I want to be with this girl forever. But when we talk about it, she always says that she can't say that because I am still becoming the man I am going to be and it depends on what I become. She says I may become someone who doesn't want her as I get older or maybe I may want to be with other girls or that my dreams/goals may be things not in line with hers. So she says we should go with the flow and see where thigns take us. This really hurts me alot when she says this - so much. I know this is the girl for me - no doubt in my mind. She said it is because I am young and that at my age love feels like that but as I become more of a man those feelings change. People think that people my age maybe it is all about infatuation or puppy love. But I know this is the girl for me, I have had many girls before her and have never felt this way before. I mean, I was popular in school, alot of sports, attractive, built, always had alot of girls throwing themselves at me - so I have never been short of girls or girls' attention so I know definately what I feel is real because I have never felt this before (and I have met and known so many girls)The other thing is that my gf is a model. She is beautiful - she has had all different kinds of men pursue her (still does) Celebs, royalty, rich people, models whatever. I feel insecure in that maybe I am not good enough for her. I can't take her to restaurants she has been used to going or buy her nice things or take her to nice holidays. I have no money and can't offer her stability like so many more qualified guys. Even some close family and friends have said a girl like her is out of my league and I would loose her. She is very nice though and never complained that I can't take her out or buy her nice things. She never has even mentioned it. She is not a gold digger (even though she could easily be) But I worry that I can't give her those things and I just want her to have a good life and the best of everything. I am just a poor studdent and I may not be in that position till 10 yrs and I am sure she doesn't want to live in poverty till she is 42. The only thing I do know is that she will never meet another guy in the world who would love her as much as I do.Whenever we talk about kids, she said that she needs to have kids before 35 which is in 3yrs time (I will be 23) because after that it is difficult for women. But she says that we shouldn't worry about such things for now but just go with the flow and see where life takes us. All I know is that I just can not loose this girl. She is the best and most amazing thing that ever happen to me. When I tell you this girl is perfect (or as close to perfect as can be) I mean it. She does everything for me - even makes me breakfast in bed, helps me study for exams etc. I love her so much and I want to be with her forever. How can I prove this to her? It hurts me so much when she says she doesn't know if we will be together forever. She always just say I am still growing and learning about life so it depends on the person I become. I know this is true, but no matter what I become I know I will always love her and want her. How can I prove this is real and not just some stupid teenage infatuation? The idea that I could possibly loose her terrifies me. I have been having panic attacks, I can't sleep sometimes and I stress about it. I know relationships like this can work. It is becoing more common for older women to go out with younger men. Alot of 18yr old girls go out with 30yr old men and it isn't a problem and alot of times they can end up being together for the rest of their lives. Why can't it be the same for me and women? How can I prove all of this to her? Has any other men out there been in similar situations at my age and what has their experiences been? I know I am going to marry this girl one day and have kids. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): mmm this is hard for you I can see your predicament. I think that you should try and look deeply at the situation and figure out if you are compatable, if she is loyal at heart to you and then make a decision based on that, not on how much she does for you or how much you are attracted to her. That's great those important factors are there but you need to consider the other points about compatability and loyalty as well.
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (26 January 2012):
 +1 kc100.
PLEASE RELAX.
IF U CONTINUE PRESSURING HER SHE WILL GET AWAY FROM YOU.
GET A PART TIME JOB OR FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES,EXCEL IN THEM AND BUILD A FUTURE FOR YOURSELF.
THE KIDS QUESTION IS A REALLY TOUGH ONE....DONT STRESS OVER IT. IF SHE LOVES YOU ENOUGH SHE WILL STAY WITH YOU. THATS ALL.
FOCUS ON YOU GUYS LIVING TOGETHER.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): thats an excellent answer kc100
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 January 2012):
 Ok to address your questions one by one:
1. Why cant younger men be with older women? 99% of the time it is because of the marriage/kids issue. As your girlfriend has said, she needs to have children before the age of 35 otherwise it gets very difficult. Hence why she needs an older man who is emotionally and financially ready to have children, otherwise she will miss out on having a family simply because she is with a younger man. This issue doesnt apply to girls dating older men, because men can carry on having children a lot longer than women can have children. Now your girlfriend is over 30 she is already in risky territory, and she wont want to go through the heartache of miscarriages and IVF if she can avoid it.
As for the rest of your problems - basically you are showing your immaturity by asking 'how to prove it to her'. You are already moving in together, that is a massive commitment, therefore there really is no need for you to be so over-dramatic and make such a big fuss about nothing.
She is happy with the relationship, she wants to move in with you - so chill out! No-one, no matter their age, can prove with hard evidence that they want to spend the rest of their lives with someone until they actually get down on one knee and propose. So until you propose, there is no real way of 'proving' to her that she is the one for you. And please, DO NOT propose as she will probably say no, it is too soon and she just wants to take things slowly for now.
Most people move in together and then take it from there, there is no need to have your entire future set in stone. Anyone can change regardless of their age, circumstances change....nothing is guaranteed so just accept that and do as she wants - see how it goes. You have been together a very short time and you are still getting to know each other - please just relax and enjoy the relationship.
You are really showing your immaturity by panicking like this, it is like a little kid saying 'how do I get her to like me? She has to like me, I cant live without her....blah blah blah". All adult relationships (well at least all sensible adult relationships) go at a fairly slow pace, you get to know each other, fall in love and see what happens. Life throws many things at you and if you are a mature person you will know this and not try and force the future. She doesnt need you to prove anything to her, she needs you to grow up, stop being a baby and enjoy the fact you are together and that the relationship is progressing well.
If she was distancing herself from you and the relationship was going downhill then you would have good reason to worry. But you are moving in together - that is pretty much the biggest commitment you can make to each other without actually getting married!
Relax, stop panicking and see how it goes. That is all you have to do. The more you panick the more immature you will seem, and then the more likely you are to put her off you with your silly over the top behaviour.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 January 2012):
 I think the decision is clearly your's and your's, alone.
SHE is telling you "Go with the flow..." which is probably her-talk for, "Let's keep seeing each other and see if we wish to continue seeing one-another over a longer time-frame..."
So THAT is the decision that is for you to make... You can either "go with the flow" - for as long as SHE sez is necessary - OR you can do one of two OTHER alternatives: 1. Part ways with her, or, 2. Press her for the changes that you'd like to see in the relationship between the two of you....... which changes will likely result in HER saying that the relationship can't endure with the changes that you insist upon....
Good luck....
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