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female
age
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anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 23 years. Last year he had an affair with a girl that he worked with. I was devestated when I found out. I never even had a clue that this was going on, was hit totally blindsided when I found out. We worked things out between us but it has been really hard to get over what he did. The insecurity and trust is the hardest thing to get back. We have a good marriage. No fighting or arguing, get along great, spend quality time together, talk, laugh with each other and no problems with our sex life either. Now I have just found out that he is starting up another affair with some girl I have never heard of. I dont know how he met her or where she came from. He's home every night, never goes anywhere, doesnt hide his phone and never works late. I found some emails between him and her and was just in SHOCK. One of the emails had her phone number so I looked at the phone records and they have definatly been calling each other. He has no idea that I know anything yet. I dont know how to handle this.... My stomach feels like a bottomless pit and my heart feels like its been ripped out. I cant believe he is doing this again. I know he loves me because he tells me all the time. Im just trying to figure out what to do because I know when I tell him he will deny it. Im trying to prepare myself for the breakup and learning to live a lonely life in our home. How can I do this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your reply's. He still doesnt know that I know anything but I have caught him in a few lies. I will figure out a way to approach him with it and see what happens.
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female
reader, Renata1967 +, writes (6 October 2008):
What's most strange to me is that he isn't even bothering to hide his bad behavior. Is he trying to get caught? Is it possible he needs some kind of psychological help?Anyway, definately reach out to friends and family for sure, and maybe read some books about grief - after all, this is much like a death and you will need to go through a lot of emotional stages to regain your inner peace again. Try and keep yourself busy - take up some new things to keep yourself out of your own head for a little while each day.I wish you the best of luck and prayers....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): Oh , that sounds totally devastating. I can deeply relate to your feelings. But ,you do sound like a very brave woman, to give him an other chance.. Well, this story sounds bizarre. I do think, that it might be the famous ''mid-life crisis''.. I think , he wants to prove to himself , that he is still a hot guy... My stomach feels the same than yours, just when I was reading your story... It is so horrible, that there is always a low moral woman out there, who enjoys to destroy married man. Well ,they are just victims, as man usually only uses them for their own purpose.. What is usually the wrong reason... Listen, I think he might need help. Try to offer your help and love again, and if he can't use it, you just have to be strong and go. He sounds like a very needy man. Does he have any sexual problems with you, like erection problems? Sometimes it makes them do crazy things. But probably not, as you said, sex is good. How old is he? Try to be very patient for now! Don't act! Just observe! Breathe deep. Let me know if you have any question. I wish the very best to you, you are a good woman, please love yourself..
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male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 The best thing you can do is reach out to friends and family for support. It will be difficult to move on but I think it's important that you do because apparently it doesn't matter to him how well things are between the two of you, he always wants something more as well. It's not your problem, it's HIS problem. You gave him a second chance and he blew it. You've spent enough of your time on him, now it's time to spend it on you. But like I said, you need to reach out to family and friends. This will help with the loneliness. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
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