A
female
age
30-35,
*eedy123
writes:Every guy and girl says they 'don't want to play games' but I've been learning more and more that everything is a game, ESPECIALLY relationships, and the moment you stop playing - you lose.Anyway, how do I do it successfully? Play hard to get that is? My current boyfriend was SUPER into me at the start, I wasn't really into him that much but gave it a shot and now i'm madly in love with him, yet I question if he loves me just as much! I know our connection is PERFECT in everyway and I'm really taking care of myself these days so its not that! So basically all I wanna know is, how exactly do you play hard to get when you've already been.. got?What are some basic things I can do to shift the power balance a little bit, I want HIM to be the one making all the plans and calling and texting sweet little things hoping to make me happy, what can i do?Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): "and the moment you stop playing - you lose."
This is exactly why you SHOULDN'T play games. Because once you start, you have to continue it forever.
A
male
reader, HarveyWallbanger  +, writes (29 August 2011):
Do you really want a relationship where you're playing games, and he's playing games, and ultimately neither one of you knows where the game ends and real trust begins?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Playing games can very easily and very fast blow up in your face.
You said: "the moment you stop playing - you lose"
I say Bulls... - if you have to play "games" to make a relationship work, do you really know the guy you are dating? It's like faking in bed.. Not going to GET you anywhere... Games leads to drama.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Well, this is indeed a tricky question. But I will tell you one thing, playing hard to get is not all the time the answer to your need for more attention from your boyfriend. I swear I did this to my ex before and guess what? It backfired on me and obviously, this contributed to the end of our relationship. The real deal about the concept is you being real with yourself. How can you play hard to get if secretly, you are just at home desperately waiting for him to notice that you haven't called him? If in your heart you so want to call him then that will make you look tough on the outside, miserable on the inside. You wont be happy this way. This will only drain you in the end and I swear you will just burst one on time and your true color of the clingy needy girlfriend will surface. The point of the "hard to get" expression is you enjoying your time, I mean really enjoying it without your boyfriend. Find some hobbies to do, go out with your friends, find part-time work...anything to keep you busy. Being busy will naturally make you unavailable and will make your boyfriend feel he is not the first priority anymore but YOURSELF. In general, guys would like that their girlfriends keep their social life as when they first met them.I have noticed that most girls including me have complained about this that once they got you, you feel they were starting to take you for granted. Well, it's not that actually, the thing is when they got you...you become clingy and your world just starts revolving around them. We're no longer exciting to be with because of that. And even though you don't forget to take care of yourself and still remain the prettiest, your personality will be a big percentage of the attraction a guy has on you. What will he do with a girl who is so pretty but can't stop calling him? Nags when he doesn't call? Plans everything that should be revolving around him. He is bored. No challenge for him at all. So he stops sweeping you off your feet coz he knows you are madly in love with him. But if you get yourself busy, he will struggle to keep his place in your life. And that will make him attend to you more.I don't know, I am applying this to my current relationship and so far it's been working. I don't put my boyfriend in the way of my work, when I am out with my friends or am out by myself. I am socially happy. When I am with my friends, I take all my time being with them and not worry that I won't be seeing him. I do not intend not to answer his calls but because I am too busy I don't hear his calls and I always call him back as soon as I am available. I am dating him for almost 2 years already and I still feel like I have the right amount of attention from him.So there you have it, mine is only some points for you to ponder. I wish you all the best in your relationship.
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A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 "Ohh girl your mine, baby I wanna have my first sip of coffee of day with you being beside me"This sort of cheesy stuff is ONLY said in beginning of relationship but after good amount of time spent with your parter you should be able tap in even those things which are not said but could be felt with the vibe.Most girls like their guys to do or say so and most guys are terrible at doing so. Guys are much more task oriented so once they feel that they have "Got" the one they wanted they start to wonder that what next?? And if they don't get any answer to it they wander. So the trick to this GAME is to start taking your actions before they even start to think to wander.I broke up with my ex once my steady gf cuz she started playing hard to get with me by doin exactly what the other poster said. But I'm very impatient and just got in panic mode and reacted much more aggressively and made things even worse than actually them getting any better. Later on, I realized the reason for her sudden change in behaviour was the one which you stated. But it was then little too late to get things back on track. It would had so much easier and much more worthy for her and me if she had spoken about it to me first before reaching to a conclution on her own. We shared everything but still I was goin through a hell Lot at time so it was impossible for me handle it all above her stupid games. And outcome of all this mess was we broked up and I moved on with ending the relationship very badly and it was that bad it became difficult to even face each other.Don't follow any stupid stuff on net to get what you want. Mark my words "hard to Get" should be implemented in crisis situation only where you have nothing to loose and you know that even if it doesn't works out there was nothing much left to save the relationship. It's effect varies for different person, place and situation. So the so called dating guru's can't predict the outcome of the game with their predefined rules.Rather not Play but be "tease to please" It works on principles of being fun and the little comanding one in the reationship without hurting their ego. The dance of seduction is played with one step forward and then two steps back. Hard to get even stops you from taking that intial step. Once you do take that one step show him the way to reach to you to take his steps. And once he does it just reward him for his gestures to Encourage him again to do so. So your aim should be to let him come to you with you being in his rader. Don't try to get out of this as then he would get into panic mode and might eventually give up.It takes too much practice to perform it the right way as there's very fine line between being fun yet confidant and being arrogant. So your prospect does or does not translate your newly acquired swagger as bullshit arrogance depends upon your body lanuage , words and timing of doing all this. mY aDvicE-/:only take calculated risk in the beginning as chances are that you might go wrong. As with time and experience you can get better at it but put only that much money on table that you afford to loose if things go wrongs.Otherwise if too much is at stake then chances of you goin bankcurpt also increases.
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (29 August 2011):
Well if you want to play hard to get then do exactly that. Ignore his calls, cancel plans you've made with him and don't keep in contact. I guess the aim is that he then takes the initiative and tries to make more of an effort or chases you around for a bit. It's not difficult or complicated to do any of that stuff so I'm not sure what sort of answer you are looking for here.
If, however, you start doing this sort of thing in the context of a steady relationship then I imagine your bf may well think that you're just not that interested in him anymore and so stop bothering, especially if you are already questioning how much he loves you. He'll probably just think you've gone off him. That sort of behaviour could work at the start of a relationship but once you've been "got" as you say, it looks a bit odd.
Ultimately if you want him to start making more of an effort then you need to stop making it. Don't plan things, don't call and don't text. Stop running after him. However, you need to be prepared for the consequences which might not be hat you had hoped for.
Have you actually talked to him about this?
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female
reader, needy123 +, writes (29 August 2011):
needy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionread em all :P not much help! thanks for trying though :)
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 I typed in "how to play hard to get" into google and came up with a tonne of websites... use at your own risk.
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female
reader, needy123 +, writes (29 August 2011):
needy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol, none of that stuff works though, he doesn't get it. I need to play games with this boy. I really do I wish someone like, for better or for worse would tell me how to do it.
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (29 August 2011):
"I want HIM to be the one making all the plans and calling and texting sweet little things hoping to make me happy, what can i do?"
You talk to him, you tell him how much you love it when he does these things, but the important thing is to not make these things seem like obligations. So when he DOES make plans, when he calls, texts sweet things then you should make a BIG deal out of it. You stroke his ego. You make him feel awesome, like a big man. You tell him how much you appreciate it and all that mushy stuff. You reward him (proportionately and within reason). Training him in ways that are both realistic yet also make both of you feel good... THAT is the real game.
Playing hard to get in a relationship is a rookie mistake... it can only renew interest temporarily and not always in the way you want. There's more chance that it'll just create distance... and distance is the starting point to oodles of things that are toxic for relationships.
Goodluck aye
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female
reader, needy123 +, writes (29 August 2011):
needy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys hahah, i know that this is best! i do! i just want to know HOW to do it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Whoa, hold on a second. Relationships are not games and most guys stay far away from a girl who plays easy or hard to get. Just be yourself, that's what attracted him to you in the first place. You need to talk to him about your feelings; that you would like him to participate more in planning dates, texting you first, etc. Let him know that you don't feel the spark but are willing to get it back. Good luck!
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