A
male
age
36-40,
*ottenhamhotspur
writes: told a woman whom I have had feelings for over 4 years that I liked her. She told me that she 'didn't want to ruin our friendship'. I accepted that- but inside, I was and am still very upset. She has a much better education and background than my own- and she has dated friends of her's before (and during the time she was thinking about seeing one of her friends). I feel the real reason she rejected me was because she doesn't see me as 'good enough'. One of our mutual friends really wants to see us still being friends, but I cannot imagine being around someone who rejected me, particularly in this manner. I feel like her reason was non-sense as she clearly wasen't 'afraid' of ruining any of her other friendships with more successful men. I feel alot of bitterness and resentment towards the situation and really hate seeing her now. Does anyone have any advice on how I can overcome this? Frankly, I don't care if I am friends with her or not (in retrospect, she was not always a great friend- I had to tell her twice after I had mentioned to her in a discussion directly related to the fact I was going to college in the fall that I was going to college,etc. and she is very inattentive) Now she is texting me, etc. and trying to be nice to me. I feel like if she wants a better man- why not get some better friends while she is at it?I also feel that when she sees me she now sees me as small and pathetic. I feel like I am the loser now and she is the 'better' of us. How can I overcome this?
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female
reader, Tyedyedturtle  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Chances are she just didn't have feelings for you in that manner and wanted let you down easy. You're probably reading into it a little bit, but it's possible she did lead you on and/or gave you the impression that you had a chance. So, if so, shame on her because that always hurts. I've been there too many times and it is easy to feel like you just aren't good enough, but really you have no legitimate reason to believe that, do you? You said it yourself that she wasn't really even a great friend and now she is just acting nice in an attempt to land a smooth recovery. If that's so, she wasn't a genuine friend and would have made a terrible girlfriend!
You are good enough for someone. You and her just werent meant to be and it probably is for the best that it didn't work out. When this has happened to me in the past, I just have cut ties with the person because I have felt like you do--betrayed, misled, hurt. I would tell her, "No hard feelings, but after what's happened I think its best we don't speak for a bit. I'm still upset and can't just be friends right now. I need time to move on." Try to be as mature as humanly possible. Then, stop talking to her or dwelling on the situation. Start putting yourself out there and try to date/meet some new girls. Be confident and don't let this mishap get you down! You are worthy! You just have to find the right girl! So, start looking! :-) Good luck!!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): I very highly doubt she sees you as not good enough. With some people, there is just no spark. She doesn't have feelings for you, its plain and simple. I'm sorry she feels that way. It isn't that you aren't good enough, its that she just doesn't feel that way and wanted to put you down gently. It happens to everyone. I liked this guy for a year, and I asked my best friend to see if he liked me, he responded with "oh...she's kind of annoying". I was heartbroken! And very very angry. He thought I was annoying!? I'm shy, and I've never once started a conversation. It was always him, and when we did he would laugh at everything I said. For awhile, I felt a little like you do. I felt it was because I wasn't popular enough or pretty enough. Finally, I regained my confidence and decided that if he didn't see me the I do, he wasn't worth it. I got back out there and had a boyfriend up until a month ago (he moved...we didn't want a long distance relationship. We're too young!!).
My point is, you will get over this. Good luck!!
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