A
female
age
41-50,
*ellimadaboutit
writes:I have 2 kids (4 and 1) with my boyfriend of almost 15 years. I recently found out he is about to be (allegedly) the father of another womans baby. I asked him before if he ever had anything with her and he told me I was over reacting. He only told me about it because I found proof that she was saying it was his. I kicked him out. He said he was sorry and that it was a mistake. He isn't the kind of guy to not be in his kids life. He wants to be with me, and suggested counseling, which we are planning on doing, even if we don't get back together, for the sake of the children I have with him. I love him (and hate him). I want to work things out with him, eventually. But how do you deal with the OW and the child that will always be a reminder? I don't want to resent the baby forever. We were not actually together when she got pregnant, I had moved out with my children and let him move with us a month later (after she was pregnant, but I didn't know). Has anyone ever had to deal with something like this and successfully made it work?
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female
reader, kellimadaboutit +, writes (23 August 2011):
kellimadaboutit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have kids together, so most likely I will have to see her or their child at some point in the next 18 years. If he had a child before we met, I would have accepted the child. If we ended the relationship for good and then got back together a few years (or even months) later, but I knew about the child, I would have accepted the child. The only thing different is that I didn't know he was intimate with someone while we were broke up, and he didn't want to tell me until he knew it was his. He won't know for sure until after it is born. He has admited making several mistakes about the whole situation and I know he really does regret everything.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): you should leave him, then you won't have to deal with the OW and the child he created with her.
As long as you are in a relationship or marriage with him, she and their child will be a part of your life. But if you end you relationship with him, then you don't need to see or hear or know anything about them anymore.
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