A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:You know how everyone goes through life saying...no regrets....well i was like that until i was dealt a regret that im not sure I'll ever be able to live down.. long story short... I became addicted to drugs 6 months after i married the girl i never imagined life without after a 7 year relationship,doesn't matter how long,when you say LOVE,she is all that and more to me. This all started about 2 years ago(which seems like yesterday)I've been clean over 4 months, got my head back together,working a day at a time to rebuild. Anyways, I threw it all away for the drugs. Everything out the window. Everything.Not too be dramatic or over to exaggerate sh*t, but every morning, i wake up and the first thing to mind is what I've done, how much i miss her etc. Every morning, i fight that, and bury it deep so i can keep pushing forward. I don't want to regret this anymore. I don't want to live with regret. I try to take the bright side out of it and move on for example. that I'm still alive through all this, this is a fresh start to build myself and start over etc. but still...it's there. Any advice on how to forgive yourself fully for making possibly the biggest mistake your life? how to fully let go of this shit?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (29 August 2009):
 Overcoming substance abuse is just the first step in rebuilding the relationships with your loved ones.
The fact that you are struggling to rebuild your life is evidence to your wife that she means more to you than you ever imagined before.
You should let her know that you are struggling and that you regret all of the pain you caused her. You can tell her that, if this is still true, you are still very much in love with her and that if she will give you a chance, you will earn her love and respect back.
If she doesn't want to give you that chance, then you have to take the regret that you have and somehow use that very expensive lesson in your life to learn to build a new relationship with someone else when you're ready to do that.
Four months of sobriety is not long enough. You need to take more time and though you love your wife and regret hurting her, you need to be strong enough to re-enter your relationship with her, or in the future, engage in a relationship with another woman who will accept your past and realize how intent you are on being a better person.
I empathize with you, and I understand the effort you undergo every day, 24/7 to improve your life and become happy again. Drugs and booze cause a great deal of collateral damage and your wife was a victim moreso than you were.
Keep moving forward. You have the willpower and at the very least, if she gives you that chance, even if she still doesn't trust you, at the very least you have another reason to work hard at overcoming your addiciton.
A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (29 August 2009):
 I don't know if you can ever fully get rid of the regret... but you can learn to except it and forgive yourself. The future and what you do with that regret is what counts. You've been clean for 4 months and that is a wonderful accomplishment. You were young and made mistakes now your older and learning from them. You simply have to move forward one day at a time and take it from there. Be kind to yourself and compassionate as well... treat yourself with the same kind of understanding you would offer a friend.Apologize to your wife and express your remorse then demonstrate it with how your conduct yourself from this day forward. It may be that she is beyond trusting you again, but you never know and 4 months compared to 7 years is a short span. Regardless of her forgiveness, you will have a lot to offer maturity wise to someone new.2 Corinthians 7:9-11(9) Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. (10) For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. (11) For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter.
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