A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am getting only little sex in marriage because1. When we have sex, my wife would complaint bout pain and would ask me to slow down and other cues which discourage me from having sex next time for the fear that it would repeat2. At times I think of other girls when having sex with her because she looks a bit childish and acts childish as well while I would want her to look like a woman and act mature and show interest in sex.She is 25 years old and I am 29. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): We both started sex only a year ago and are both somewhat novices. I am not sure if pain is natural at this stage or something unusual. As I said in the question, I feel bad if I have to continue when my wife complains of pain. When I feel bad about it I in turn try to avoid it, which she also does not want.
If I mention doctor to her, she is resistent to the idea. My concern therfore is
1. What can be done to reduce the chance of pain
2. Is it natural that in initial years woman would feel some amount of pain and is that someting of concern or something that should be ignored
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 You say your wife is immature, yet you clearly act like a child yourself. Instead of being selfish and worrying only about your needs, you should be concerned for your wife. Pain during sex isn't normal, and there could be serious medical problems underlying that, or you're just being too rough and not paying attention.
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A
female
reader, sanrio.kawaii  +, writes (29 August 2009):
You sound so selfish.
If she is in pain it is more than likely your fault, so you want more sex? be gentle with her and be nicer
As for fantasising about other women whilst you having sex with her, no wonder youve put her off. Why the hell did you marry her if she wasnt what you wanted anyway.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 August 2009):
 I don't think having sex in marriage has got a lot to do with maturity to be honest. Very childish people can like sex a great deal and there are probably mature people who would prefer not to bother. Firstly you have to focus on why your wife is resistant - you seem to be looking at this entirely in terms of your wants and needs whereas a happy sex life is a two way process. She expresses pain which maybe something to do with your approach and technique, or there maybe some gynaecological problems that need attending to. Instead of being so critical of her (you married her as she is, after all!), why not suggest that she see a doctor to identify if there are any medical explanations. Instead of posting here about your problem, you should be talking to her because a happy marital relationship is based on open communication.
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