A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Well...my ex broke up with me a day after we did stuff, and went really far. It's been 2 weeks and I was crying about him because I still love him, and my best friend was like it's okay, he's a jerk , he's not worth it and everything. Then I find out that night they snogged 5 times. I'm really hurting and I want to move on, but how? Please give me some advice! Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Well you said "after we did stuff" what else is that going to insinuate? Just move on from him, hes not worth it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno i didnt have sex, thankyou so much, any more ?
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A
male
reader, koenig +, writes (31 May 2009):
Time and distance are the only things that are going to help you get past this. It's not fair, but it's going to take some time to get over this and it won't be at all easy.
Put distance (it doesn't have to be physical, like moving to another town) between you and them. Seeing and speaking to them all the time is only going to bring back these painful feelings.
Give it time, it may take weeks, but more likely it'll take a number of months or even as much as a year - especially if it was your first serious relationship and first love. Eventually though, you'll be back to your happy self and stronger than before. If your friend made a mistake in kissing your ex., if she was drunk perhaps... It doesn't matter why she did it, but you might get to a point where you can put it behind you and have that friendship again. You should say out of your ex's way though.
Keep yourself busy, see friends, party, find new interests, school anything to stop yourself from dwelling on this. Just don't be too eager to date someone new to get over your ex, rebound relationships can be just as messy. Give yourself some time to recover and regroup.
Sadly, it's reasonably common for guys to be like that when you're younger. Hormones, friends and popular culture are driving them at full speed into losing their virginities. Unfortunately, some seem to use girls to achieve that. There's not real way to tell whether a guy is going to be like this, although if they try to get too physical too fast, that could give you a hint. I'd say, and I'm not judging you here, I don't know how quickly things got sexual, that you should wait longer before you do anything beyond relatively innocent making out. If they boy respects that you don't want to rush into things, then he probably respects you, but if he tries to pressure you or leaves you, you'll know he's just using you or doesn't care about you - you don't want someone like that in your life. I'm not saying that you should wait until you're married or even until you're older, I didn't and I have no regrets. But when I had sex (at around your age), my girlfriend and I had been dating for about 6 months and we'd known each other for over a year. We're still going strong almost 2 years down the line. I've always respected her boundaries. 6 months may not be the ideal time to have sex, maybe later would be better, but it worked for us. I think our secrets has been that although we only waited 6 months to have sex, until then, our relationship really wasn't about sex - we developed a really good friendship and let things other than sex and sexual activity bring us together.
That probably doesn't help you now, in fact, knowing that someone else is happy may even make it worse, but for the future, I hope that you remember that and it helps you.
I hope that this experience hasn't given you a horrible view of guys. We're really not all that bad. You've just got to be a bit careful that you don't get taken advantage of.
I promise that you're going to start feeling better soon, a lot or little by little, but it's going to happen! You're going to meet someone new, and they're not going to be an arsehole and you're going to feel so much deeper about them and realise that you never loved this prick anyway.
Seriously, you will get happier, however impossible that seems now.
Again, I don't know the nature of what you did. But if you had sex protected or not and you hear that your ex was promiscuous, you should have a free, confidential STI test, talk to your local Connexions for more information. If you want to speak to someone in person about this, you can also speak to someone completely confidentially at your local Connexions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): This boy is a typical man. He's in it for one thing and one thing alone. You gave him what he wanted and off he run to his next victim. The same thing happened to me a few years back, i lost my virginity to an arsehole like this and he was playing along me and my friend at the same time. She ended up giving ME a beating for it when really its him that deserved it! But be classy, dont talk to either of them and definitely dont show them its getting to you. I know its difficult because i was in the exact same position not THAT long ago, but you really must focus on other areas of your life and keep boys out of it for the time being. At your age your naive, and boys know how to get at you. They swing you compliments and make you feel special and loved then they get their sex and run off. So unless you want the same thing to happen all over again and to be known as "easy" then just cut boys out all together for the time being. Focus on your school work, on your REAL friends and on what you love doing. Heartbreak takes time to heal but eventually it does. Trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): your 'friend' obviously isn't your friend. that was a bit heartless and inconsiderate for her. neither of them deserve you. i completely understand how you are feeling. one of my ex boyfriends is now dating one of my friends and they got together when i was not over him and eventhough im over it now- it is still a bit annoying to be reminded of how they treated me.
the best thing to do is sit the storm out. its really pisstaking that im saying time heals all but it is really the only solution i found that helped me. there is no secret solution to fix this you need to let yourself heal- don't rush this process because otherwise you might prolong it.
in the meantime, find something to occupy yourself with- i watched a lot of one tree hill or turn to someone you can trust and just talk to them about it and mull it over - because i felt it related to my situation and only when you are ready take a chance to look for someone new because this is not the end :)
hope this helps you bub x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): move on did you have sex with him? if not than you didn't go that far.
rejection hurts for everybody, so have a good cry then get over it. niether of these losers are worth it so why let it bother you?
moveon, go out with your other friends and you will meet a nicer boy, focus on having fun enjoy being young and not having any commitments for the time being.
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