A
female
age
36-40,
*lahblahblahh
writes:I'm not sure where to start with this, and I'm not sure if I'm worrying over nothing but here's the low down.. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. He is 31 years old. Ever since we were first going out, I picked up on very paranoid parts of his personality which at the time I didn't think anything of. He smokes weed on a daily basis, about three to six times a day. And he has done for about 15 years although he used to smoke it a lot more. Now I don't know if that's considered too much or a lot, but I put down some of his paranoia possibly to that. I have smoked weed myself, only a couple of times in the past when I had muscular pain; But since I've never used weed as part of my daily routine I feel like it's not my place to say, or critisise. A while into the relationship he had told me a lot about his childhood and school years, and the bullying he'd recieved. He talked of how hard he found it in school and all of the things he went through. He talked of secret places he used to go in his school building that no one else knew about, and he talked of his plots and ways of getting around the people that tormented him. The way he spoke of this all sounded like some kind of surreal movie. Almost like he was acting a super hero role, him versus the villans. I can't go into great detail of what he said, but it was almost hard to believe because it was so unimaginable. Of course I believe what he told me, but a small part of me doubted it.He has a very short temper, and when he gets angry and worked up, which doesn't take much, he can be very scary to be around. He punches things and throws things sometimes. His eyes change, his frustration is so intense i've never seen anything like it. He continuously refers back to his disturbed youth and how he can't deal with it even now. He talks of how he hates everyone, all people, he says he hates the world and everything about it. Sometimes he tells me how much he wants to die, or how much he wishes he had died when he was a child. Or sometimes how he wants to kill. It upsets me greatly and I feel so helpless there's nothing I can do but comfort him and tell him how much I love him. Sometimes he says he feels like a monster that needs to be free rather than conforming, and then he would feel more satisfied and true.He told me that on a few occasions as a child, he saw what he thought was a ghost, an evil presence, that he described as a sort of angry energy that looked unhuman, but had the presence of one. He told me that once when this happened, the ghost was aware of him and stormed towards him, and the other two times of it happening, they just ent on by like they hadn't seen him. He also has bad dreams, or hallucinations I'm not sure which. As a child he said he had them to. Now this doesn't happen too frequantly, but a few nights ago we were asleep in bed when he woke up terrified crying and anxiously talking he was fully awake and he was telling me what he saw, what he was seing and it sounded terrifying. I myself have problems sleeping, I have bad night terrors were I wake up crying and sometimes screaming! But I know when I wake up that my experience was nothing but a dream. What he was experiencing seemed to be more of an hallucination.He constantly tells me that he's not normal snd he needs help but everyone he's ever saw has dissmissed him and not been able to help him. I'm just really worried and conserned about him and his behaviour, he can go from being completely normal, loving and happy, to confused, despair, anger, and sometimes he seems blank even when I may be talking to him. Sometimes he will look at me and its like I can't tell at all what he's thinking the expression is blank. When he gets very worked up he starts refering to himself in second person and he often speaks very low of himself. He speaks very violently and talks of the violent things he wishes he could do. He told me he doesn't beleive in any heven but he believes there may be a hell. I don't know what to do anymore I'm worried about his well being and his health. I don't know what's wrong with him, if everything he described from his past was true, then is it just this forever taunting him, or could a lot of things he claims to have happened to him be in his own mind? I feel terrible saying that but I just don't know. I'm always supportive of him and I've never once told him I didn't believe him. As much as I try and cheer him up and speak posotivly, I feel like the negative in his mind is more dominant. He's told me on a couple of occasions that he doesn't know if some things are in his head or if they have happened. Does anyone know what could be wrong with him and what I could do to help? Does anyone know of similar behaviour to this? If anyone has any advice or opinions on this I'd be ever so greatful.
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male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (15 September 2010):
 I think you're lucky to have each others. And hopefully these things will subside with time. You sound like a great person, and I hope things as are good as they sound from my perspective. I know his behavior is nothing to be happy about, but I dont want to scare you either.
If he wants help then he can get some. I hope he works and other things in his life are going in the right direction.
You probably have a good influence on him, an I hope it will all stay within limits. Dont smother him with help, maybe he has pride and he can make it himself, sometimes wanting too much to help can backfire.
Good luck, and take care, I wish the word had more nice, sensitive, reasonable persons like you, and your boyfriend sounds like a very interesting person, that's why I hope you'll both be OK. And oh, regarding the weed, I used to do weed twice a week approx. 6 times a day for 15 years is a lot! It might take him ages to ajust and live without weed. But I think once he kicks weed, he will start to see the real problems in his life and will have no choice but start to change them. I went through that, it's and incredibly tedious experience, and I can't say I am reborn... I have other problems now, but I'm glad I got over the issues that plagued me since my teens, and although it didnt feel like the paradise I thought it would be, I am satisfied with how things turned out right now.
So yeah 6 times is a lot. But on the other hand, he's 31, normally at that age you have overcome your issues and have some stability and control in your life.
So anyway, good luck.
TAKE CARE!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 He is more than negative about life. Bullying and psychosis are linked together. His recurrent images of horror is his mind's way to deal with the trauma. The pain carried on and he doesn't know how to stop that. The weed helps him temporarily and when he feels the withdrawal he's back to his negative self. His personality is engaging, his stories are full of juice, but you shouldn't confuse being supportive with loving him. People with rough upbringings give you a sense of me and you against the world, but you have to be prepared that he may not ever be able to reciprocate the love you give him, and might even confuse you as someone who might harm him when he's having a bad day. I've seen people like that and I couldn't think of anything to help them.
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