A
female
age
26-29,
*etUp
writes:I'm in Gr.11 and I met a guy who was a year younger than me. I discovered that he doesn't have many friends because people say he's "creepy" and socially awkward. Now, I'm not the type of person to just let these kinds of things go, so I befriended him. He's actually really nice and always tries to help carry my things or open the door for me.But the thing is, I've noticed that there's something "off" about him. For example, he'd sometimes touch my shoulder/arm or pat my back very awkwardly, and it bothers me a LOT. I don't even like hugging anyone that is not my family, so this contact with him made me extremely uncomfortable.However, I don't want him to think I don't enjoy his company or anything, so I'm tolerating it. But then a few days ago, he tried this half-hug thing on me and I just went really tense and stood there. It was really creepy and awkward, and he was invading my personal space.So how do I get him to stop touching me without hurting his feelings? A few months ago, he also confessed that he liked me, but I turned him down as I wasn't interested (I don't even want to date until after high school). Despite being rejected though, he keeps touching me, and even went as far as to following me to my locker and classes. It turns out he memorized my whole school schedule. Is this the same thing as stalking? What do I do? He doesn't even have many friends so I can't just avoid him. I'll feel horrible.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): You're a nice girl. And you say you feel horrible. You really are a nice girl. Nice people in the world tend to find themselves in a more horrible state than most. Its one of their....beatitudes. You'll understand it more as you grow older.Anyway as for your friend. Short of a restraining order i don't think there's any way of preventing him from invading your personal space aside from like someone have already said but to just tell him nicely.For a start tell him straight that you dont want him hugging you and touching you. Make him promise it. Even someone like him would probably understand the concept of a promise.Tell him that you're good friends and friends dont do things to make their friends uncomfortable. And friends keep their promises. Tell him something along those lines. Also you wont be in high school forever, if that's any consolation.I also don't think you wont stop being a nice girl when you grow older even if it gets you in such situations. I hope not.Cheers...
A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Try talking to him honestly and calmly and saying that you appreciate him as a friend, but that you aren't comfortable with him invading your personal space and touching you in this way. I have known people like this and usually it is just that people have always given up on them because of their behaviour and never actually taken the time to be a friend and explain what is and isn't acceptable. I know it isn't your responsibility to teach him how to act, his parents should have done that, but they haven't. You seem like a very nice and caring girl, just explain to him and everything should be fine. Good Luck
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