A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been through alot in my life when it comes to men. I've just gotten over a tough 7 year relationship and spent the yr after breaking up being overly promiscuous and making alot of mistakes. I've mended my ways now and am ready to settle down again. The thing is I have feelings for a friend of mine. He too spent a while being promiscuous and we often talked about it and trying to get over our ex's. It took me a while but i eventually realised we had so much in common and he's so easy to talk to. He's a recent friend and not one I'd see too often but i can't stop thinking about him. The thing is, his ex girlfriend is beautiful! He's got a type and she's it. Brown hair and eyes and a thin figure. I'm plus size and blond. I am pretty but i dont feel i would be good enough for him. Should i pursue him and risk embarrassment and rejection or just let it go? I should also add that he has said to mutual friends before that he would sleep with me. But everytime i talk to him he's telling me how he wants a girlfriend and is also really interested in my love life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): Something smells a bit off here to me OP. I think you should take your time and get to know him a bit better first.
Firstly forget the physical appearance thing and comparing yourself to an ex. Our preferences are not solely confined to one kind of girl we can fall in love with anyone.
OP forgive me for saying this but I never go near a person that talks so much about their ex, the risk of them not being over their ex is not only too great it's almost guaranteed, you may well be in a place where you are ready to move on but chances are he's not, "trying to get over our exes" sounds like all the makings of a mess. Now the fact you're already wondering whether you can compete with her may well be your gut telling you that you would in fact be in competition with her for his feelings if you know what I mean.
Secondly him saying he'd sleep with you to his friends is not a sign he's interested in you, it just means he'd do you, hell I saw a plus sized blond yesterday walking down the road and thought to myself "I'd shag her" doesn't mean I want her as my girlfriend and frankly OP coming from a promiscuous guy that's no more of a compliment than him liking a bag of chips. If the question he was asked when he said that was "What do you think of *OP*?" Then him responding that way is not a good thing. You say he has told mutual friends (plural) that he'd sleep with you, that's not exactly what you go around telling people when you view them with any kind of affection worth more than just sex OP. I know I don't, people I'm interested in more than just sex gain a bit more respect in that regard when people ask.
If you'd heard from people that he'd been saying how gorgeous you are or how lovely you are etc. then that would be another thing. But he's basically just been going around telling people he would shag you there's nothing to suggest that he thinks of you as anything more. I would urge caution here, telling you he wants a girlfriend etc could be a ploy to bed you seeing as he knows you want to move past your promiscuity then he knows he has to play the relationship card to bed you. OP we guys will tell you anything you want to hear to get what we want, it's all well and good when you want the same thing but you have to figure out whether that is the case with this guy before you do anything.
Look be careful here, it does sound like he's interested in something from you but all signs point to that being just sex. So before you go off trying to woo him get to know him better first, if he's interested he'll wine and dine you, he'll take his time and he'll date you. But all this ex talk is not a good sign OP, in my experience and I've been around a while people that talk about their exes are not over them because honestly OP when you're over someone you really don't need to talk about them.
I say to every girl I know if you want a relationship with a guy and are worried about it being just about sex, then keep sex out of it until he has proven he will work to woo you. You don't know this guy well enough yet to judge. While for you promiscuity may have been a mistake the fact he's so readily willing to admit to wanting "just sleep with" girls to his friends is a sign that he probably doesn't view them as mistakes, regardless what he may have "admitted privately" to you.
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 At the moment you are not going out with him, right? If you ask him out, and he says no, well, you'll be in the same position - not going out with him. So, you'll have not lost a thing. But, if he says yes, well you'll have gained what you wanted. You can't get what you want without first asking for it. And there is no shame or embarrassment to be had if he says no. You are in a 'nothing to loss' situation. So, go for it, and good luck.
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