A
female
age
30-35,
*oolymoo
writes:I have been in this situation more times than I would have liked. I like a shy guy who is controlled by his overprotective friend who is a girl. She swears that there is no attraction between them and he will always be like her little brother, but then why is she so skeptical of me/doesn't want him spending time with me..? The first time this happened to me, the friend was the one to hook us up BUT then she changed her mind and started going out with him....WHAT? Yeah it didn't last long and it ruined their friendship, but still, what happened to the brother-sister relationship? Does an overprotective friend just forever stand in the way of a relationship? How does one go about dealing with this kind of friend?
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female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Hi,I am a friend like that! I have a male bff who's been single since we met (2 years ago) I have a boyfriend which i adore we've been together 17 years. I am super protective of my bff, i don't want to be with him BUT i'm afraid of losing him as a friend and I feel jealous if there's another girl in the picture. I am his #1 girl and have been for 2 years, we do many activities together but i am possessive of him and not proud of it. I never felt jealous with my boyfriend i guess because i don't feel treatened. It's hard to say what to do, i guess you have to be patient. She's probably possessive of him also. Me too I feel my bff is like my brother we have a special bond which is really rare between a man and woman who aren't together. She'll have to accept it, like I will have to one day. If you really think he's worth a shot, try to be extra nice to her. Good luck!
A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (27 November 2011):
It's hard but it can work, although it depends on the degree to which the friend is overprotective and actively tries to break you up. It actually happens a lot that the female friends of a guy like having his attention aimed towards them, even if they do not actually want a relationship with him. Girls can often be petty, jealous, and protective. The only way the relationship will work and you will be happy is if either a) the girl matures and realizes that the relationship will come first and that she will still be a good friend but she won't get all his attention OR b) the guy realizes that she's acting immature/selfish/rude and he tells her to stop behaving like thatLike some of the other posters said though, it is a lot of work and can involve quite a bit of fighting. And it sucks because you aren't fighting about things between you, you're fighting because of someone who should be external to your relationship. And there is always the chance that the guy could side with the girl instead of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): No it never works if there is an over protective normally friend of the opposite sex in the background. The girl may pretend that she is just a friend and is looking out for him but will never like the boy to be with anyone other than her. I was in a relationship years ago where the girl constantly chipped away in a subtle manner to her male friend that she didn't really like who he was with going out with and made subtle digs and although he pretended he had made his own mind up she was so subtly manipulative that he finished with his then girlfriend. It is not always that the girl wants him for herself either she doesn't want anyone else to have him. My ex husband had a female friend like this who would drop things into his mind such as 'isn't she so much older than you...' has she cut her hair yet... oh gosh that will be hard you live such along way away from each other' Her subtle digs were relentless but my husband could never see it. In the end I blame her for the break up of our marriage because effectively there were three of us in it. I could no longer bear to compete anymore. I don't know if they are together but I pity the next poor soul who gets into this. To win over this you must bring the woman into every dealing you have with him, constantly invite her to lunches / dinners with you both and fully involve her in part of your couples life because she won't like it. Never ever say a bad word about her but don't befriend her yourself only as a couple. Ask her how she and her boyfriend are and relate to her as a person with her own boyfriend ( if she has one) and never indicate that you think of her in any way as part of your boyfriend or that she has any say over your boyfriend. Being pleasant but secretly alienating people like that works a treat and your boyfriend will never be able to find fault with you because all you have ever done is been unfailingly nice.The real key is never to say a bad word about her - men in general don't like woman who say bad things about others. To my mind this is all too much effort but I am considerably older than you and if someone wants that person so much my view is let them have them but you are younger and probably have fight left in you. This is a very hard and time consuming process but if you really want him play the game slowly and well and you will win.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Platonic friendships usually work when you're a lot older..not so much in the teenage years. Too many raging hormones. It sounded like she was trying to convince herself she could keep it platonic but that obviously didn't work out.
Anyways, she doesn't matter. They're no longer friends (she definitely doesn't sound like s friend of yours) so now's your chance to ask him out. You don't have her standing in your way anymore. Make your move, before she tries to get him back!!
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