A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18, and have been with my boyfriend 2 months. I'm a virgin, and until him I hadn't done anything sexually. We tried having sex last week but he only got in a couple of inches before I could take the pain no more. How can I lessen the pain? We used lubricant, and lots of foreplay beforehand. Also, where exactly is the hymen? Is it it very far in, or closer to the outside of the body?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): You are too tense. Your vaginal muscles are clenched. Relax. Before having sex with him, use a modest sized vibrating dildo to get yourself loose (and off).
What type of vaginal lubricant did you use? Use a slippery lube like K-Y jelly (or generic. Do not use vaseline petroleum jelly or hand lotion. That will make it worse. Use plenty of K-Y jelly with the dildo vibrator, and get used to that first. Then go for the real thing when you are ready.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Its closer to the outside of the body - hence why it is easily broken with tampons, sports etc. If he went in a couple of inches then it was definately broken and you are not a virgin anymore!
As for next time, you just need to be really relaxed. The first few times will be a bit painful and you will be sore afterwards, but the only way to get used to it is to keep on trying! I remember with one boyfriend who was quite well endowed that he couldnt get very far inside me without it hurting and that went on for about 2 weeks until one day it seemed to just go in and it felt bearable!
Try pelvic floor exercises - get to know when you have tensed your vagina and when it is relaxed. Try stopping your wee midflow (I know this sounds weird but it helps!) and then relaxing again. This is the same muscle that tenses your vagina - so when you have tried to have sex you might not have realised that through nervousness you have clenched up! If you know how to relax it then you can do this when you next try to have sex.
Other than that there is not a lot you can do! It will get easier each time you try, eventually the pain will go away but it just takes time I'm afraid!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): If he went in two inches you were a virgin - in the past tense.
Once it starts to get uncomfortable you tense up. It might get uncomfortable because you weren't absolutely ready for it, so you need to be totally relaxed and eager for it as well as nice and juicy. You shouldn't need any lubricant if you get the right amount of foreplay. Maybe there wasn't enough of it, but if there was, you may be suffering from vaginismus. It's rare, but it does happen.
It should get easier every time. Persevere, but make sure you want it as bad as he does.
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