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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hey,Me and my boyfriend have been together for a month so fair and we are very much in love we usally always text and talk on msn but every so often i don't hear from him is this normal? I feel massively insecure and i have never been in a proper relationship before. he reassures me that i am the only girl he wants(he lives an hour away from me because hes at uni and i don't go uni till next year)What are signs that a long distance relationship is not working , how do i make a long distance relationship work? I really love my bf and i know he loves me and would do absolutly anything for except obviously harm me but can the distance work? I am soooo worried. We were seeing each other on and off for a year be we made it a more commiting relationship because we both decided we wanted to be exclusive and only see eachvother. Can anybody give me any tips or hints to calm my insecurites down or tips on keeping our relationship strong? It's difficult to see each other alot because we are both very busy people and have independant social lives but we do talk whenever we can.
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insecure, long distance, msn, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): I also am in a long distance relationship and have been for going on 2 yrs we ahve always made ways to keep it going either him coming here or me going there ....Anyways when we visit its all about each other and the time we have then and there and we talk daily on the phone and computer.... It is possible to keep it going Just keep your chin up and stay possitive.......
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): A month is a very short time so try not to build your hopes up too much, and give it time.
Is an hour away that difficult? It doesn't sound that long distance to me.
If you've both decided to see only each other, possibly that is a good sign.
Have you asked him why every so often he doesn't answer? Has he got studies to think of?
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 "What are signs that a long distance relationship is not working ..."
2 very key words.
"Long" and "Distance"
LD's do not work. muxh the same as internet dating. saving your virginity untill marriage. having sex with a family member, having sex with a minor and communisum.
They all Do Not Work.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 Love is like you go and plant a seed in the soil. You don't know how or why but the seed will grow into a small plant the next morning. You don't have to understand why .
You go take care of the plant by watering it and adding some fertilizers.
Just like your long distance relationship. You have planted the seed of love into his heart. Let it grow and don't choke it . You don't have to water it every hour. You know the plant is there and is growing.
If a thief come and steal your plant, there is nothing you can do about it. You should not worry because your worries will not help you abit. You should build up your confidence and have trust in him.
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A
male
reader, xylplxym  +, writes (13 January 2008):
Well i can't tell you how calm your insecurities. I know at this point it seems unthinkable, but it is a possibility you should be aware of and perhaps one day accept. All i can tell you is to talk to him about it, see what he has to say. From that you might be able to tell if this relationship is going to work despite the distance or if he just isn't that committed to it. If you've already done this and all he has to say are promises of love, perhaps you ought to rethink this relationship. I know this is equally unthinkable but going out for only one month cant really tell you if you are in love, at least the committing kind of love. You need to decide for yourself if this relationship is worth continuing and more importantly if he really loves you. If you find that this is definitely so, then have faith; it's rare but long distance relationships can work out if both are truly committed to each other. The only trick is actually being committed and having trust that he is too.
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A
female
reader, always.you +, writes (13 January 2008):
 i have the same thing to me rite now my boyfriend lives far away now but i know i love him and i know he loves me and i miss him so much everyday but in the back of my head i think he could be doing stuff with other girls but then i think well he is probably thinking the same thing that i am doing stuff with other guys and i know i'm not so most likely he is feeling the same thing you do and if your love is strong enough it will work until you graduate and try and see each other as much as possible! :] good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): One thing that used to make me feel better in this situation, is to think, "Im not playing around, so why would he be?" Just because you dont hear from him for a short while doesnt mean the worst. If you can think of all the rational explanations (e.g. phone battery died, no access to computer, no signal) then you will be less likely to panic. The other thing you have to accept is, he has just started studying and living in a new place, and he will be busy, perhaps busier than you, and I mean that with respect. You should keep yourself busy with your own friends, in order to not drive yourself mad with worry. Also he is committed to you, he has made that commitment, so there is no harm if you have worries to discuss this with him. Dont do it in a naggy or demanding way, rather make a joke of it. But ONLY if he really has gone off the radar for more than say 12-24hrs MINIMUM. although its natural you want to speak to him all the time and know that he is ok, relationships cant and wouldnt ever work this way.
One thing that also helps but is hard to hear, no amount of worrying, fretting and panic will change any outcome. You could be the most jealous gf in the world, or the most care-free understanding one, but if a boy is going to cheat on you, he will do it regardless of your feelings. So from that point of view, there is no need to worry about outcomes, if its going to happen you cant change it. Its something that hasnt happened, so dont beat yourself up, you could end up ruining the relationship.
Hope this helps.
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