A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiMy question is why am I so quiet during sex and avoid eye contact? Some background info: I have a very frustrating situation and I have friends who have given me advice both good and bad about it and it just doesn't help. I am seeing this guy for about 2 months now and we both like eachother a lot but I am confused because sometimes I want more from him (a relationship) and then other times I just want to leave it as it is. We talked about it a few times but I can't seem to say what is on my mind. He doesn't want a gf but he says I am the only girl he wants. Which I am cool with because I am not sure if I want a relationship or if I just want to fool around. anyways once during sex I stopped him because I couldn't handle looking into his eyes and I told him it was too intense for me.. I felt really bad after cause I think I offended him. I am getting better with the eye contact but its been the same with every guy I have been with I can't look at them during sex or even when I am just talking to people, friends, strangers etc. I also don't make many noises during sex and I think that is affecting him as well, it's not that I don't enjoy it, it feels amazing but I just can't pertend to make screaming noises or moans or whatever. Its not like I just lay there in total silence, I move around and I breathe heavier sometimes quiet moans but no loud howls or anything.He always wonders if I enjoyed it and I just keep telling him I did, and I say things like I wouldnt be here if I didn't enjoy it. I am just wondering is there something wrong with me cause I don't make eye contact or loud noises during sex? Is there anyway I can be louder without sounding like an idiot haha I am comfortable with him and I've been having sex with him for over a month, so it's not that I'm not ready or anything I have had 2 previous partners in which I was quiet with as well. sorry it's so long and confusing but if you can give some advice it would be nice, please don't give me stuff about not being ready for sex because I know I am.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): I've never been a person who makes noise. I'm comfortable being naked and I have no problem with eye contact. I'm over 30. I try to make noise and my husband says he doesn't care if I fake it. He just likes the sound.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 What I did was talk more openly to my mom about it. Definitely not my dad. I didn't go into detail or anything but we just talked. I have always been close with my mom so it made me feel guilty having sex etc without her knowing and with her still thinking I was innocent. Also I had to just realize that everyone does it, it is nothing to be ashamed about or feel guilty for. You are of age and it is completely normal to be doing what you are doing. Talk with your guy and let him know that for some reason you feel uncomfortable at times during sex when he looks at you and are not sure why (you are comfortable with him so this should be no problem). This will open up the communication between the 2 of you which will make you even more comfortable with him and the 2 of you can work together towards easing your guilt and opening up more during sex. He will know why you may look away and try to help you work on it, rather than you feeling more awkward. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): Reply to Stacyc63088
Yeah I was brought up in a house like that, not really talking about sex so I guess I do feel quilty subconsciously, but I know I am comfortable with him I don't mind being naked infront of him it's no problem. How should go about getting over that?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): Contrary to popular belief, not all women are screamers (and to be honest, the ones that are... freak me out a little, I mean it doesn't feel THAT great, jeez).
You are a what we in the male species call a MOANER. Meaning you aren't loud and just breath heavily when in coitus and occasionally make moaning noises to show pleasure.
The only thing you need to work on is the eye contact. It can be difficult because you need to understand that NO ONE has the ability to know what you think by looking in your eyes. Anyone that says they can has never met an expert liar.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (19 July 2008):
I had the same problem you have. I couldn't look him in the eyes and couldn't be loud. Although you say you are comfortable with him, you obviously aren't. I thought I was with my previous boyfriend but was not able to make noises etc. With my current boyfriend I have absolutely no problem being loud and actually enjoy it. I came to realize I am just so very comfortable with my current boyfriend. My advice is to not fake it. And could there possibly be something like you are ashamed of sex or being pleased? Like maybe you feel guilty or maybe you were brought up in a household that didn't talk about sex much or at all? That was the case for me but really when you have someone you are just that comfortable with you open up a lot more with ease. Are you able to let him see you naked? I think it may be guilt and you don't even realize it. I'm not sure if I helped you out at all but good luck with everything. And I truly hope that you don't want a relationship as you say and this guy isn't using you. Doesn't make much sense why he only wants to be with you but won't date you... but as long as you are happy with the situation is all that matters.
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