A
female
age
30-35,
*abiblues
writes:Hi, I've been having problems with my fiance. I'm 19 and he's 24. We've been engaged for a few weeks now but my parents don't know this. I love him dearly yet he hates my dad; he despises my dad's morals and wishes my dad could act more like a real friend. what the heck! I want to tell him so badly why my dad can't stand my fiance: he doesn't come around the house ( I pretty much ride over to his almost everyday), he doesn't even try to get along with my dad (just because he gets uncomfortable if my dad looks at him), he wasn't with me to tell my parents I got pregnant (which I wanted him to be there then he tells me to do it myself, and I felt lonelier than ever). I want him to be a part of my family, to get along with. It's always been about what he wants, and every time something serious happens like I irresponsibly spent three nights at his house without my dad knowing, I got into trouble. Now my dad doesn't want me to spend anymore nights with him, which I completely understand why. I was okay with it, but my dad still doesn't know about my engagement. I want to tell him, although I, also, want my fiance to be there to tell my parents. He wouldn't agree to it, and I get so angry and hurt. I'll tell him how I feel, yet he says it's my responsibility. I'm so confused and hurting so much. It's not what I dreamed of. The engagement, the thought of a good relationship between my dad and boyfriend, and the thought of doing things together aren't the stuff I have always hoped for. Now I have hospital bills and my dad blames my fiance; so he thinks my fiance should pay for them. Then my fiance, my dad still thinks he's just a boyfriend, believes I should also pay for it. The bill is freaking high! I feel alone, my diet is off, I can't sleep, I don't have the energy to work out. I have no idea what to think anymore. I need some help.How can I get my fiance to get along with my dad? Both of them aren't bad guys, just misunderstood. I hope. What should I do? Please, can somebody help me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Your b/f's expectations are completely out to lunch. Dad's supposed to be a buddy for every guy that follows his daughter through the door? Not freaking likely.
Marriage is plenty tough without it starting off with the in-laws hating you. On the other hand, having the parents on your side, helping to smooth the bumps in the road, can make all the difference. And the way to get the parents on-side is to begin by treating them with respect, and by trying to get to know them.
The b/f wouldn't stand beside you and man up when you told your parents you were pregnant? And he won't be there in person when you tell them you're engaged? Doesn't sound like he has a clue about what "respect" means. He's certainly done nothing to earn any.
I don't know why you're planning to marry this goof, but Dad's made it clear what he thinks of your judgment. I'm with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Daddy knows best.
From your situation he does!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Personally I think you're the one that's misunderstanding them, first off your fiancé sounds like an a-hole and it sounds to me like you know that but are making excuses for him to yourself and everyone else.
You're dad is right about the hospital bills they are partially the responsibility of your fiancé and he should be man enough to step up and pay for them.
It sounds to me that your dad correctly saw he was an asshole and decided he wasn't good enough for you, from what you've said about him I'm inclined to agree.
Why? He's an idiot, he doesn't have to like your dad but he has made no attempt to even be civil to him, it sounds to me like he knows your dad doesn't like him and he's too much of a coward to even face him, he wants your dad to act like more like a real friend, What kind of idiotic shit is that to say? He's your dad, his first job is to love and protect you not change himself to suit what your fiancé considers a good friend.
He's selfish as hell too, he won't help you pay your bills, he refuses to be by your side when you need him, like when you tell your parents things that affect both of you.
I'm sorry if any of what I have said has offended you in any way, that is not my intention, but this situation is all wrong for you, your fiancé wants it all but will give nothing back, is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life, fighting tooth and nail to get him to contribute to the relationship? If so you're going to have tough time.
You need to sit down and have a long hard think about what you want/need in life and can he truly provide for that.
This guy has long term habit of letting you down in the most crucial of times. There is nothing to misunderstand here, I suggest you step out of your situation for a moment and read your post, what advice would you give to someone in that situation?
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A
female
reader, SJ_ninety +, writes (12 June 2009):
 Get rid of the boyfriend. Plain and simple. He's virtually ruining your life. Find someone worthy of your love and affection, someone who will get along with your family; it's obviously not your current guy.
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