A
female
age
30-35,
*wink_2
writes:Hi I have been with my boyfriend for the past almost 7 months. He has proposed to me twice already and I have told him that I think its too soon. I met him through my ex as they both played hockey together. After my ex dumped me I became even closer to my boyfriend. After a few months he asked me out on a date and I said yes. At that time I had not realised what his background was. Over the months that I have been with him he has told me about his past relationships. Most of them were just for sex. Because of that fact that he has told me I sometimes wonder if hes with me for the same thing. In the past few months he had got me pregnant and stuck by me at that time. Because of the things that we had been through he decided to propose to me the first time. But recently I had found a few texts on his phone to this well known slag. They were dirty texts such as if you turn me on then we will see what we do and things like that. I nearly dumped him because of that but after I confronted him with the texts he admitted to sending them but claimed it was just him and his friends messing around with her because she was drunk and that he just did it for a laugh. That well known slag is apparently a good friend of his because they play hockey together. Recently I know that he has been meeting up with her but he claims its because she just needs a friend at the moment because shes going through a tough time. He has also been commenting on his exs pictures saying things like you look beautiful here but I have not told him that I know that. I don’t know how to tell him to stop talking to his ex because he doesn’t say anything to me about talking to my ex. The thing is though I would never like my ex in that way because he cheated on me but we are just good friends because we have known each other for ages wheras his ex is always flirting with him on facebook and that. We also keep having loads of arguments which are usually over nothing and well we usually make up. But I don’t know how to tell him to stop talking to his ex and that slag. Please help.
View related questions:
cheated on me, drunk, facebook, flirt, his ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (12 May 2009):
 Hi there. Me thinks you need a very strong dose of self-confidence. Also, you are torturing yourself by constantly checking his facebook and text messages to see what he is saying and doing. Step back and look at your actions, you are causing yourself turmoil. Please stop it. If you do not have a person who you are able to trust, you must then ask yourself what do you have? It's not about getting him to stop talking to other women, how do you do that? Other women are going to talk to him, you can't control people, but you can work on establishing a strong relationship, where you are both commited to being true to the other. If this cannot be done, which will give you the confidence to trust that he will be faithful, then your relationship will be a faulty one. Trust is essential, and it has to be earned and developed, think about the long term. You don't want to worry about running around trying to get him to stop talking to other women, whoever they are. You have to have faith in him and vice-versa, otherwise, you will drive yourself nuts. Also very essential, as I said in the beginning, work on building your self-confidence and your self-worth, be the best person that you can, love your self. Find some good books on the subject, read and re-read them, very important. Once you have strong self-esteem, other women talking to him won't matter that much, because you will realize that if he is not going to be happy with you, then he is the ultimate loser, not you. Believe this. Take care. I hope I have given you sensible information to help with your problem. Stay in touch.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): First off, if he's proposed to you twice I don't think he's just with you for sex. You guys were sleeping together before that, right? So if all he wanted from you was sex he already had it and therefore would have no reason to propose.
The texting is a separate issue. You were wrong to be going through his phone, but now that you have, you need to tell him what you found and that you don't like it. Be prepared for him to be pissed off that you were snooping in the first place. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (12 May 2009):
I take it you are both in your teens. It's easy for people to say dont worry; your young and you got your whole life ahead of you. But it dont work like that. We all feel strongly about our partners whatever age we are. But if you feel he is decieving you, then pull him up and ask him straight. Then you will have to decide wether he is lying or not. Many young men do tend to stray a lot, and move from one girlfriend to another. Serious relationships do come, but with time and experience; so dont expect too much too soon. I'm not saying your relationship won't work, i'm just saying beware of the pitfalls. Any relationship can break down; it's just more likely when you are young. I have had a few serious relationships that have broken down, but life has a balance, and the future always works out on the long run. Good Luck!
...............................
|
