A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey people... So, I'm gonna get straight to the point and try to make it short.I literally can't stand my girlfriend's best friend.Apparently before we got together they bonded on this amazing-like relationship and could speak about the deepest secrets in their past and all... Well, something happened with her best friend. She got a psychosis from a poor-alternative of LSD and ever since she has pissed off my girlfriend a hundred times.New Year, she ditched my girlfriend and decided to rage at her saying it wasn't her own fault and that my girlfriend was selfish and that it was all her fault (despite they had planned for a half year to celebrate it together).Aand, well... She has never apologized and my girlfriend took distance, but now they're becoming friends again and acting like nothing happened, (despite her best friend dumps their plans every week or so...) I'm not sure what to tell my girlfriend, because despite that I completely disagree with her best friend and wish she was a million miles away, I've always kept my answers realistic and not disrespected her.Any thoughts on how I can make her realize that her psychotic friend will always ditch her and make her feel worse?
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (3 February 2017):
This is not your fight or your business. And most important it is an argument you can't win. If your GF is willing to put up with this treatment that is on her. If it bothers to the point that you can't stand it move on.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (3 February 2017):
 The old saying that "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" comes to mind. There is nothing you can do to force/persuade your girlfriend to dump this friend. In fact, the more you push her to do it, the more she is likely to cling to her friend, and YOU will become the outsider because she will complain about your behaviour to her friend. She needs to work it out for herself that this friend is no longer good for her.
Be there when it goes wrong, sympathize, offer a shoulder to cry on, but leave her to work out for herself whether she wants to stay friends with this girl. It may take a long time before she realizes that this friendship has run its course.
There is a chance she will NEVER dump this girl. You don't know what she is getting from this friendship. She may decide that the benefits are worth the hassle and let-down, in which case you will just have to grin and bear it.
You sound like a loving supportive partner. Continue doing what you are doing. Perhaps you could also encourage your girlfriend to widen her social circle and make new friends in the hope she will spend less time with this girl?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2017): Please feel free to use us as your sounding-board. Rant here if you must, but if you try to come between them; then you'll be blamed for causing the rift. The friend will convince her you just don't like her. Women are quite protective of each other when men apply our strength and protection against female matters. I've learned this the hard way!
Let her know it makes you really uncomfortable and you feel like you need to get involved; but you don't think you should. You should be her priority, and her friend is causing drama that is starting to seep into your relationship. Remind her that you're her boyfriend and don't enjoy seeing her unhappy. The drama is getting to be too much for you.
Respect her common-sense and ability to deal with her own problems. We guys always feel we have to solve problems for women. Bro, trust me. Not unless they ask us to!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionExactly, I've kept neutral and just supported her, but it's tough to go through the same dance every third day of 4 hours where she's unhappy about her friend... It's been on and off like that for 3 months...
But I've just supported her when she felt bad, and just didn't go on a rant about her friend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2017):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
She has to figure this out for herself and she WILL. My guess is your GF is holding on to the friendship from "before" the friend changed and THAT is what she hopes she can get back.
You have already told her that keeping the friend around is a waste of time, but your GF isn't ready to let go. I know it SUCKS to watch this dysfunctional "friendship" take a toll on your GF, but again SHE has to make the choice to "dump" the friend or distance herself.
If she ASKS you what YOU would do, BE honest - but accept that your GF is her own person and will have to make her own choices.
Other than that? DON'T try and "fix" this for your GF. She is smart enough to work out what she NEEDS and WANTS to do.
And BE that person in your GF's life who DOESN'T ditch her, who doesn't cancel last minute, who isn't pure negative energy. Be the best YOU, you can be.
Everyone has a limit to what kind of CRAP they will take from people/friends/family. Apparently, your GF hasn't quite reached that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2017): All situations run their course. Your girlfriend has to come to her own conclusion and decision. Some people are loyal to a fault (to your benefit); but it's really up to her to decide when it's time to let go.
They share secrets and history between them; and once upon a time that friend was her strongest supporter. Most long-term relationships are hard to let go of. So it takes time.
You've already given her your advice and opinion. She's a grown woman, and has to ditch that friend when she's ready.
It's best for you to soothe and support your girlfriend when she's upset, but in order for her to detach properly; she'll have to take the beating.
She probably fears her best friend will spill all her secrets if they part on bad terms. So let the girls work this out between themselves. These things usually go back and forth, and her friend may have taken a few bad hits from your girlfriend in the past as well. They know each other.
She can only put-up with the bullsh*t for so long, before she's had enough. You shouldn't get in the middle of it; because you're biased; and your dislike for the friend may not be limited to what you indicated in your post. Women tend to settle their differences on their own terms, and don't like men butting-in.
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