A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Since I was young, I have pretty much always felt generally low in confidence and down/angry around 1 of my parents in particular. They still live at home with me and my other parent, and are my biological parent.This parent has acted rather controlling/temperamental with me and the other parent since when I was around 9, to the age I am now (mid twentie's). Such things included stopping my other parent seeing their family because they were jealous of them, or getting annoyed when they did go to see them (this still happens nowadays sometimes)and random nasty put-downs of family members of theirs. There is also getting annoyed or sarcastic if I or my other parent are having a bad day or don't feel like grinning from ear to ear (they seem to find any emotion, other than constant cheerfulness/positivity, irritating for some reason). They have commonly said things like "What have You got to be sad about, you don't know how lucky you are" etc when someone has had bad news, a bad day, or is just generally feeling a little bit sad. There is also: "you should be ashamed of yourself" when I was going through a mental health problem due to being bullied at school and had numerous other things going on including an ongoing health problem that took over my life. This is because they felt that as I had a family (and as their own family was very dysfunctional) and nothing to really feel sad about, I should be ashamed for being depressed or sad at all, almost as if I didn't have a 'right' to.This parent however (probably down to their upbringing) is "allowed" almost, to be verbally/psychologically abusive and depressed and/or temperamental for days or weeks on end.Finally, there have been remarks and subtle remarks about myself such as "onto the next fashion statement then" when my eating issues were found out (I'd self-harmed briefly as a teenager but not in some sort of hey look at me! cuts!! sort of way as I tried to hide them). Also mocking of my health issues and just general gaslighting tactics and using the other parent to turn against me. Sometimes they will both present a united front against me. There is also attempting to joke with the parent and then having them question it, making me feel like I csn't even joke with them. In the past, in a fit of rage or whatever it was, they threw something heavy almost at my face which just missed me. I was about 8?The other parent tried to leave them in the past on more than one occasion, however their stalking and constant badgering made them reconsider/give in(?), so they're still living here.We both just lie low most of the time. I don't talk too much or have too much of an opinion on anything anymore.I was considering moving out in the future and just walking away from it all as my siblings have all moved out and don't have much contact either, other than with the other parent.What should I do and am I just overreacting/being a cow? I do notice how my mood just generally drops when I am around the parent in question. How I felt/feel has also affected my relationships with people in the past.
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bullied, confidence, depressed, jealous, moved out, stalking Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 February 2017):
 Why would you not have left by now? I mean you are an adult, you have been for quite some years therefore the first thing I would have done was got a job and moved away from the negativity. What is keeping you living with your parents if you are so unhappy? Time to start living your life.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 February 2017):
 You say you are in your mid 20s. You are an adult. Time to leave the nest. Don't carry this around with you for the rest of your life. Make a life for yourself that you like; that you enjoy.What are you waiting for - an invitation? Destiny doesn't do house calls. You have to go and find it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): You are not over reacting. If you look up narcissistic parent you will recognise much of what you've said in the experiences of others. The dominant factor here is control and manipulation. You need to plan a way to remove yourself from it or reduce the impact.
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