A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I go to a big church, I'm single and don't have many friends. I met this girl who's 5 years younger like two years ago, but now we are getting to know each other better. Even though she is married with two little ones she feels kind of lonely too because she is unemployed as I am and his husband doesn't listen much or go out with her as much as she wants, plus she doesn't have a car. We have some things in common but I feel she is too clingy and meddlesome with my things and I don't know how to make her understand she is disrespectful without being a little harsh as I can be sometimes. If she sees me applying my personal eye drops-for red eyes-I always carry on my purse (and I'm not intersted in sharing) she asks me if she can use them. If she sees me chewing gum she asks me if I can give her some. If she doesn't have something to give for the offering at church and she is sitting beside me she says she doesn't have anything and turns to me like expecting me to give her a dollar or something. Which there is no way on Earth I'll ever do. If we are talking about cars and I say something about miraculously having more than one she immediately says I have to give her one. When she planned to separate from his partner two months ago and I took her to church once bacause she asked she said later I HAD to take her everytime to church now that she was going to separate from his partner. Also, she is always making me feel uncomfortable saying she would make expensive gifts for me if she had the opportunity. I know our Christian beleifs encourage that we "sow" in others material blessings, for God will multiply those "seeds" eventualy, but it's not obligated. I went out once with her to a concert and she was so excited I think, she wanted to pay for everything, and I felt uncomfortable, and of course didn't let her. I accepted a quarter for the pay toll road (or whatever you call it) and an ice cream after the concert. I paid for the gas and for my own food afterwards and she paid for her stuff. She can also make comments on inappropriate times and inappropriate comments at times. For ex. it was obvious I was praying on church last saturday morning when she touched me suddenly not too gently (scaring me) to ask me if I had a mirror??? I'm the one who's single and should be worrying about my looks. I looked at her seriously and she said 'I'm sorry'; but even though I looked pissed she asked me for the mirror anyway. I stared seriously and said that's not important right now and continued my praying. I've been too lonely lately. At my age I can't reject frienship of any kind. How can I let her know she is an annoying friend without being harsh?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 July 2010):
 I completely agree with CaringGuy. It sounds like she's just a little desperate to concrete this friendship. She's probably excited to have a new girlfriend, and she's coming on a little strong.
Do you have fun with her in between the annoying little stuff she does? I think CaringGuy was right on, I think you guys should use each other to be brave and start going to more social things - a book club? Bowling team? Start going to theater regularly, or the same Open Mic night at a favorite café. Meet new people, and I think once she is more comfortable with the fact that she has a regular social life, she'll ease off a little.
Sounds like she's going through a rough time at home, and she probably really needs a friend like you. Good luck, sweetness!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 July 2010):
I think the problem here is that you're both two very lonely women who have just found each other. But she has become very dependent on you. Have patient with her. I think she knows that she's a bit of a pain at times, but she's just desperate to be friends with you. She really is. Are their any activities, such as dancing, that you can do yourself so you can meet new people? Maybe that way you could both be introduced to new people. I think it's a case of getting out there and doing new things to just try and meet new people.
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