A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship for about a year and a half with a guy who ended up moving across the country for a job. We broke up due to the strain a long distance relationship caused on both of us. Before we were in a relationship, he felt it was his business to know how many guys I had slept with AND how many guys I had kissed! As in, we fought about how much he had a right to know for so many hours that I finally caved and counted up the number of boys I had kissed. I had slept with 3 more guys than he had slept with girls. He told me that I wasn't the type of girl he saw himself with and always envisioned himself with a girl who sex mattered to. Not that I feel the need to defend myself excessively but I am still in single digits and all of my partners have been from healthy relationships. To feel that this was enough to make him question who I am and what kind of person I am hurt. I have never been unfaithful in any of my relationships and don't like the idea that my sexuality has the power to define my heart. Fast forward to today where we have been talking much more since he is moving back to the same area. We are both interested in trying a relationship again or at least dating and seeing where it leads. My issue is this.. While we were broken up for over a year, I had relationships and slept with 2 more guys. For some crazy reason I feel like I have this immense guilt that makes me want to tell him what I did and almost that I owe it to him to come clean. However I know he was in a relationship with another girl during the break up period and he won't tell me how far they went sexually. This only came up after I visited him at his apartment for a weekend and saw all of her hair products in his shower and found a thong in his drawer. If he doesn't feel obligated to let me know what they did together, why is it bothering me so much that I should tell him? There are points where I get so overcome with feelings of guilt that i don't know what to do. I know he would only judge me and as doubtful as I am about this, if he were to continue "dating" me or whatever this is now, it would only bother him even more than it did the first time hearing my number. How can I let go of these feelings of guilt when I really didn't do anything wrong?
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female
reader, MSA +, writes (21 July 2015):
 If this is bothering you so much.. I would take that lesson and do something about it.Before you two decide to get back into the relationship, suggest that in this 'new' relationship, the both of you will not discuss who you've been with during the breakup. Tell him that you need him to trust you and you will trust him that whatever happened during the time you both were apart will be left there. You are starting new and every thing starts NOW. For some relationships, it's not healthy to discuss past partners... but like for my relationship, my BF and I share our memories and we incorporate them into our lives. We talk openly about his exes and my exes, it's a part of our history and life. No big deal.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 July 2015):
 Games of "How many (guys) did you sleep with? ... and how many (girls) did I sleep with".... can go on forever, and have little potential for positive results......
When one (of two prospective partners) brings up this subject, it should be a "red flag" to the other that he - or, she - seeks the information ONLY to make it a matter of revealing his or her dissatisfaction about what a slut the other (partner) is....
Don't play this game... don't fall in to this trap. Dump him and get a prospective B/F who doesn't care so much about your past....
Good luck...
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