A
female
age
41-50,
*abygirl34
writes:I've been single for 2 years.. I had 3 long term relationships and all have cheated on me. This has left me so insecure and when i meet someone i tend to be quite 'clingy'. I fall for that person quite easily, like i crave to be loved..:-(.I'm 35 but look about 26-27, I look confident on the outside yet inside im crumbling. I've met someone, 28, been seeing them for 5-6 weeks, the longest for a while. I really like him, but he wont 'commit' to saying we're seeing each other exclusively. This is making me feel like crap. The thing is we get on in every way and do loads together. How can I learn to take a step back and 'chill' before I ruin it. I dont want to come across as needy, but it's not in my nature to play games or be cold... PLEASE help.
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cheated on me, insecure Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 The problem isn't so much in being needy, although it is not good. The problem is that your eagerness to be loved causes you to fall for the wrong kind of guy.
Your needyness did NOT cause them to cheat. They did that all on their own and would have done the same with any other woman.
A
female
reader, babygirl34 +, writes (21 November 2009):
babygirl34 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your advice, i will listen and take to heart....i dont like feeling like this..
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A
female
reader, MsFrankie +, writes (21 November 2009):
 This is difficult and I've been in your situation before. It's a very fine line between not being too clingy and letting someone walk all over you. I'd give it another month or so and let him make the move towards calling your his girlfriend and saying you are exclusive - don't even mention it if you can handle that. Then if after a month he will still not commit to being your boyfriend then I would suggest you just move on. People can sense insecurity and it can make them back off - but it can also mean that they take you for granted in many ways because you want to be with them so much that you will put up with anything from them.
I would advise you to:
not call or text him until he texts or calls you (most of the time)
don't ask about the status of your relationship or where he thinks it's going (yet)
Focus on enjoying the moment and having fun - this is what;s going to make him want to commit to you
But remember that you deserve the security of knowing that the person you want to be with also wants to be with you - set yourself a time frame that seems reasonable to you and hold off until then.
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A
female
reader, babygirl34 +, writes (21 November 2009):
babygirl34 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer....im just afraid of being hurt i think ...which makes me more paranoid. I hate it :-(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): 5-6 weeks is a very short term to go steady. For you also to understand if YOU like a guy. Ask yourself what are you afraid of?
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