A
male
age
36-40,
*nadin
writes:My Gf has started being a little distant, she dosen't seem to think so, she has also started saying sex is just the same as it always is when she always used to look forward to it, shes been very hot and cold in attitude towards me. today she said sex is nothing special, i asked her what she meant and she said that its always the same...there are some special moments but not a lot. she said it would improve if i got my penis tattooed or even pierced, i wont defame my body like that :/ i asked her if it was boring for her, she said no, she always wants sex, its just the same (is this wool over the eyes? or did she say the wrong thing and meant it differently?)if i ask her if anything is up she says no, when i call her out on the hot and cold behavior she claims she never really noticed. then shes all lovey-dovey with me for a few days then turns back to being luke-warm or cold. we've started spending less time together, quite frankly im starting to worry, is she using me as a place-holder like my mother says? mum was right about the last couple of girls, i hope she's wrong about this one. shes started to talk to other people in front of me more and her words suggest a lack of interest in me, i feel like more of an acquaintance than a friend sometimes. she hardly shows me respect and never seems to be making any effort unless i ask her :/ she said to me, if i want anything, just to ask and she'll give it happily, but that shouldn't be the way in my eyes, if shes in love with me then shouldnt she show it more in her actions and things that she does to support me instead of just cuddles and kisses? for example, i gave her £20 to fill up her car, she then proceeded to protest it wasn't enough to fill up her car and she would panic if she didnt have a full tank, when that £20 would have been better going into my petrol tank, i do 40K miles in my car a year at the current rate, so far she only seems to do 4k miles a year, she refuses to drive other than to and from work.her behaviour is getting to me, others are noticing it, and my friends have also said they think she needs to make more of an effort, its not just sex and cuddling, uv also gotta be friends etc. n share things like driving. shes not very understanding of my feelings, her ex is still calling me a prick and other foul names in text behind my back and she dosent stick up for me. shes always banging on about how rightous she is, does not abide by lies and messing people around, she knows iv been messed around quite a bit and says that i do not need it and she does not want to mess me around she would never be with me if she lost interest and would be kind and dump me to let me find someone else instead of keeping me around while she found someone. but i find other questions she asks are contradictive, she asks me if we can have sex if we break-up and if we can be friends with benefits...i say no, so i wonder if shes keeping me for that? :/ she confuses me and my close circle are saying i need to find a straighforward relationship and nothing is ever straightforward for me :/ what do you say to all this aunts and uncles?sorry about length
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): Times like these where things eat at you, you really need to sit down with her and go "Look, lately I feel something isn't quite right..." from there you should tell her how you feel, how she needs to know there's more to a relationship than kisses and cuddles, how she should play a more supportive and helpful role in your life, get involved with your friends and family etc...
The fact she's already asked if you guys can have sex if you guys break up and become friends with benefits...it's not quite respectful towards you.
You also said she said that sex was nothing special and that it would improve if you got your penis tattoed or pierced...that's quite out of order really. I hate to break it to you but it sounds like she doesn't value your relationship too much and may be using you for her own gain. You really need to tell her how you feel and see how she responds...
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