A
male
age
41-50,
*orbandallas
writes:I've posted questions here many times for help with my relationship and past...I've had some problems with my current girlfriend, and we recently took a break. I've always been suspicious of her, have issues with trust, but I realize now that I have been like this with my past girlfriend. This is probably due to having been cheated on once in the past. Anyways, every time I suspect my girlfriend of seeing someone it turns out that my suspicions are unfounded.Recently, we took a break, my idea. I didn't really mean to break up with her I just wanted some space for a while, she however thought I broke up with her. I probably should have done a better job of communicating that. Anyways, we took a break for week.I realized that a lot of the problem in our relationship are due to my insecurities. I'm starting to suspect my girlfriend again, things just don't seem to add up, but I think that this is probably my problem. I don't know if she tells me the truth about things all the time, and I need to figure out a way to relax and trust her. I've noticed that since we got back together, if I'm more patient things work out better.I guess I'm looking for some advice on how not to be so insecure and be more trusting.I don't believe in that whole "if your gut is telling you something is wrong, than something is wrong". Anyways, any words of wisdom would be appreciated :)Thank you.
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male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Something very similar happened to me and the best thing I did was to leave it and move on. Obviously every situation is different but at the end of the day you have to move on and get on with your own life.Everything happens for a reason, sometimes we don't see it right away; or at all. We have to look for that reason and focus on bettering ourselves in any situation.See it as a chance to be free, to get on with the things you enjoy, start fresh, and learn from the experience. Being sad about it is normal but you have to keep yourself busy and surround yourself with good people who will help you through it.Time is a great healer if you use it constructively.
A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (1 February 2012):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your advice.
As of today, my girlfriend has stopped talking to me. We were texting back and forth, until I asked her if she would like to meet up on Thursday.
She had a rough day at work yesterday and said she wanted to be alone, and she's been having some issues with her family.
But I mean she could tell me that she's just stressed instead of ignore me. I fear my suspiciouns might have been right. She went on a road trip with a guy friend and her best girlfriend on Sunday, and since she's been back she's been very flaky.
I don't know what to do, except leave her alone, it seems she wants that but I don't know why.
I'm pretty depressed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): ...I am afraid I can't offer an answer but I can completely understand. I am going thru a very similar thing myself. My partner has commited to me 100% and yet I still look for reasons not to believe her. I guess the only advice I can offer my friend is to remain vigilant about how your (and mine ;) ) feeling s have the potential to sabotage what may posibly be a fantastic relationship!
Good luck!
M...
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A
male
reader, SonOfMan +, writes (31 January 2012):
I think you shouldn't disregard the "gut feeling" as it's there for a reason. We are all blessed to have this natural intuitive sense which sometimes helps us get out of trouble, even animals use it!If you think there's something wrong you have the right to question it. Think about why you feel that way. Is it an overreaction? Are you looking at it just from your own point of view? Are you listening to other people without finding the truth for yourself?The best way in a relationship is to be honest with yourself and your partner. You should speak to her about how you are feeling in an open, non confrontational way.Don't come across as aggressive or accusing. If you ask questions and talk in a calm and assertive (not angry) way chances are your partner (depending on her character) should open up to you. You should try to make her see why you are feeling that way. What has she done to make you feel the way you do? What have you seen, heard, etc?If she gets angry about it and isn't open then give her time and try again.As for yourself, then if you can train yourself to become more secure then that would not only help you in your relationship but make you a stronger person generally.Try to be more confident in yourself. If you are in a relationship, it's because someone likes qualities about you which are positive. That should give you the confidence to trust the other person. Being open, trusting and confident are great qualities which help you in relationships and in life generally.It's a great feeling to trust someone, and if that trust is broken then it's because the other person took advantage of your trustworthiness. This doesn't make it your fault and you should carry on being the way you are. That's not to say you should let people take advantage of you.Anyway, I hope some of this helps.
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