A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidIm in love with my Girlfreind we are have been going out for almost a year. We have a reall connection and are the best of freinds. The biggest arument we have had was when i did not like her baby names.Im finding it really hard to deal with our lack of intimacy, She has very strong belifs in no sex before marrage. I respect her beleifs and admire her for her that. But i need to keep my desires down i really want to be intimate and close to her but she is always pushing me away.I know this wont change so how do i keep me desires down so i can enjoy the rest of our relationship. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, gregorsamsa  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 With due respect to the poster below, sex is not 'designed to bring together two people in love' it's designed to propagate the species.
The rest of the answer below makes some sense for women, but none for you. Your body is telling you to spread your seed to as many places as possible, as many times as possible. That's what you're coping with right now through excessive masturbation.
Continuing on, there is nothing inherently wise or unwise about waiting until marriage to have sex. It's an (antiquated) social convention and nothing more. Perhaps it helps women achieve some of their sexual needs (i.e. emotional connections, keeping a stable partner) but isn't germane at all to you as a man.
Trying to deny yourself sexual gratification is a losing proposition, whether you play floor hockey or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): You may not neccesarily stop wanting it, lets face it, sex serves a purpose. Its designed to bring together two people in love. Sex releases feel good chemicals in our brains. So of course masturbation would reveal this feeling of arousal and ejaculation and orgasms as something you want.Another factor is that levels of the cuddle hormone oxytocin during orgasm can surge up to five times higher which contracts the uterus, strengthens emotional bonding, regulates body temperature, blood pressure and pain relief so why women should not engage in FWB scenarios as in us, sex bonds us to another. So it is WISE of GF to wait until marriage.I say you just have to practice self restraint and with this, cut down on masturbating. I only say this as your usuage of masturbation is creating a chemical level in you that now you feel/believe you NEED sex to maintain that high or Sexual Buzz.Work on retraining yourself in self control, self restraint, take up floor hockey, or basketball, a physical activity that creates similar endorphines and keeps you busy so you are less 'tempted' to 'act' on desires.Also retrain your inner thoughts so you are not always buzzing on horny thoughts.Clearly a master over your mind and body desire over your lust and sex drive being master over you.Make sense?;)
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A
male
reader, gregorsamsa +, writes (4 January 2012):
You're never going to stop wanting sex, you're a human being. If that's what you're trying to do it's an impossible quest.The woman that posted below is correct that you won't die due to lack of sex, but you will certainly suffer -- if your girlfriend isn't going to give it to you then it's just a question of how much suffering you can put up with.Finally...pay close attention to the gender of those answering your query. Of course you should consider women's advice here but their sexual appetites/desires are likely to be quite different from yours and will involve many intangible/emotional factors that don't apply to men. Take it from another guy: you are not superficial or shallow or wrong for 'needing' sex -- you're just a human male. Our needs here tend to be much more straightforward.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Have you considered that your sex drives might be different? Meaning that when you get married you may want sex every day whilst she wants it once a week? One of the problems with abstaining until marriage is you can end up being "stuck" with someone with a very different appetite to you.
As you can see from the answers here, some people find it ok to go without sex. Personaly I wouldn't be able to do what you are doing: I have too high a sex drive.eople are different, and compatibility is very important.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Intimacy is not necessarily sex.
You two can spend time watching a movie together and cuddle or hold hands. You can cook food together. You can video games together. You could have a long, deep conversation about your philosphies on life and where you want to be in 20 years. You could even make out.
Intimacy is something that brings two people closer together. It doesn't have to be entirely physical.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy are you making out like sex is the most important thing to me?
Our relationship is worth so much more, maybe i being misunderstood.
I want to stop wanting it not change her view
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Its not a NEED meaning you wont' die from being sex deprived.
See, this is one of those rare cases why I see my parents taught that self gratification is more a hinderance than helpful in that you seriously believe 'getting off' is so important you classify it as a way up there NEED necessary for life/survivial.
You lack self restraint and self control along with healthy perspective.
At most, you'll get a case of the blueies. Even then its a discomfort, not intense pain that you cannot recover from. As the blood decreases from that area and you calm down- the discomfort subsides. Just some dummy down medical descriptive of the blueies.
Intimacy is not sex. Just some FYI.
If getting off and sex, which this concern of yours is more kin with over intimacy and respecting the GF, means so much to you then I agree with the suggestion of finding someone who will support you in your belief that sex is a NEED.
Its some weak sauce where I am standing as I was one of those fringe people that held out for my Husband. It meant something very sacred so I wasn't about to just hand it over to any shmoe. Especially a dude such as yourself.
Any person that has great self restraint and self control is a person of integrity that does their best to live what they believe in and stand for.
;)
Happiest of New Years!
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (4 January 2012):
Ok for our five times a day is too much! That's clearly not working.
Not many people can manage to stay celibate the way your gf is expecting you to. Most cultures that believe in no sex before marriage also involve getting married very young... for a reason.
You have the choices of: get married, tough it out, or break up.
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A
male
reader, gregorsamsa +, writes (3 January 2012):
At your age, an exclusive, monogamous relationship of almost a year would be (frankly) expected to involve sexual intercourse. What your girlfriend is doing is essentially saying: 'you can only have sex with me and I'm not going to have sex with you' which is a difficult ask.That said, she must have reasons for her rule. If it's set for religious reasons, I hate to say it, but she'd probably be better served having a boyfriend of the same religious persuasion (with the implication that he would hold the same 'no sex until marriage' belief). I'm not putting her beliefs down, but in 2012 they are very much on the 'fringe' of society (as far as people that actually follow this rule, not just believe it in principle) and those with 'fringe' beliefs re: romantic relationships really should be with others of the same persuasion.Assuming that you do want to stay with her, all I can say is: don't get married just because you're going mad with desire! Be frank about your 'needs' with her and see what compromise you can reach. I'm not sure how flexible her rule is, but there are certainly many ways that she can sate your desires (or at least help you to 'handle' it) without actually committing the 'act.'Anyway, good luck, but remember that your needs are legitimate. She's entitled to her beliefs, but if you don't hold them they shouldn't become your cross to bear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Masterbateing is not working for me anyone its getting to the point were i am doing it four to five times a day. Im not ready to be married and i dont want to have sex with her if that is not what she wants, but i need intamicy i crave more than food or water.
Am i worng to feel this way she says she cannot understand why i feel this way.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (3 January 2012):
Being your age, in a relationship, and not having sex, must be incredibly difficult! Other than masturbating a lot, I don't know what to suggest. Get married soon?
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