A
female
age
30-35,
*rongorRight
writes:Me and my boyfriend are a LDR and so whenever we see each other we are always quite physical.However he is quite big and it took me a few times to get used to his size. After we've had sex a about two or three times over a period of a few days I literally cannot have sex with him again. Even if we don't have sex at all for a day and try again the next day it'll hurt so much i'll be in tears. We've tried using A LOT of lube (we don't normally use any) and nothing helped.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Agreed, Its HEALTH PRACTIONER TIME. Personally ANYTIME you have a concern with your body, health, that should be the wise source of counsel over strangers on the internet.
;)
Happiest of New Years!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 It sounds like you may need to consult with a medical professional on this one, as it has stumped you and the agony aunts here. Time to see your doctor. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, WrongorRight +, writes (4 January 2012):
WrongorRight is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks So_Very_Confused, it would make sense if that was the case.
Anon - I am plenty aroused enough before hand. I initiate sex half the time so it's not the case that I don't want to. I often get really frustrated that it hurts because I want to have sex just as much as he does. Our foreplay is AMAZING and I usually will orgasm about 3 times before we even attempt penetration. And lastly, he doesn't ejaculate inside me at all so that luckily wouldn't be the case.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Every time you have intercourse it causes the vaginal walls to swell... if they don't go down to "normal" before the next time, they will swell on swell.... see what is happening?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): The question you need to ask yourself is : are you aroused enough before intercourse?
The reason why your genitiles may bringing you pain is probebly because your vagina tissue is badly torn and needs more time than just a day to heel , if intercourse hurts so much when his penis enters your vagina it is probebly because his penis is extremly errect and your vagina will not be arroused enough because maybey your foreplay is poor, also your boyfriend may not be masturbating the normal amout and the sperm is rushing down your vagina too fast , this could cause infection too you both and could tear the condom.
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female
reader, WrongorRight +, writes (3 January 2012):
WrongorRight is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers! We use a LOT of foreplay and we don't jump into bed straight away we probably just do it a couple of times more over the period of say a four days than an average couple would. We don't usually need lube at all it's just after the forth time or so when it all of a sudden gets painful. I was wondering if it was possibly that I swell up internally and so it makes me tighter? Is that possible and what would prevent swelling?We use plenty of different positions and on the times we do have trouble the only position we find any help at all is the plain missionary position. It feels like my first time all over again.But like I've said it doesn't happen every time. The first couple of times we have sex when we see each other will be fine but then the more sex we have the more painful it gets. I'd understand more if it hurt every time or hurt less each time :/
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 January 2012):
Less intercourse and a whole lot more foreplay, which maybe should include manual and oral stimulation for your pleasure. Sounds like you are not relaxed and aroused enough. Also, having sex three times a day for three days may cause some serious internal chafing in your vagina. Give yourself a break so you don't tear further already torn tissue. Appropriate arousal and lots of lube may help.
That's all I've got, maybe see your doctor and ask if there's anything going on that needs seeing to.
Relax, just because you're in an LDR, doesn't mean you have to go directly from "hi there!" to intercourse in 3.6 seconds. It's okay for you to need more time to warm up, okay?
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 January 2012):
you may need to find other ways to express your love for each other using other methods of intimacy other than just penetration...
are you doing a lot of foreplay?
are you trying different positions?
if you are tensing up now that you are afraid it will be worse.
IF you were NOT using lube that was part of the problem and now your body is afraid and it's tensing up...
LUBE will help... just go slow and do not try to have penetration... in fact the goal is to find other ways to have relations without penetration (and it can be done hon just be creative and have fun with it)
if you drink.. a glass of wine or two before might help you too.
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A
female
reader, WrongorRight +, writes (3 January 2012):
WrongorRight is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe always use plenty of foreplay and I'm always more than ready. He'll get about three inches in and have to stop because he literally can't get any further. We've tried lube and that didn't help at all :/ Thanks for your help though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): How arousal works. When a woman is in an aroused state, her pain endurance levels increase as well so while we are aroused and a man is penatrating- we are more able to accomadate him.Once we come down from such a state, the pain tolerance levels return to 'normal' so that is usually when a woman can make a more accurate judgement to her sensitivity.I can suggest you focus more on slow love making, closer holding, body against body, slow, deep thrusts. Try that for a weekend. More body touching to keep up arousal state, BF needs to focus and help you maintain your arousal levels during lovemaking sessions. You still will need time to get used to his size. Even then, women still have times of the month where they are not prone to tolerate sex aggressive or not due to hormonal levels associated with their oncoming periods.Especially if you suffer from endometriosis.http://www.endo-resolved.com/symptoms.htmlHave you considered taking your concerns to your Health Practioner so he/she can make a more educated, medical assessment than we are able to provide?That is the BEST solution along with aggressiveness and frequency of love making sessions; that they may need to be adjusted.Your health should matter greatly that it should not be an issue and maybe only limit sex to a few times a day and one day as healing/recovery and focus on the emotional bonding of holding one another and talking and kissing over straight out sex.Hope I was of help.*hugs*During arousal we can also tolerate up to 110% more pain due to the midbrain s release of potent painkilling endorphins and corticosteroids, which numb painful nerve endings, relax muscles and calm the mind. A study by Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., confirmed that during orgasm women could increase their pain tolerance by up to 75%, an analgesic effect that can last for six hours according to Drs Sadoughi and Brown. These painkilling properties have been applied successfully to arthritis, menstrual cramps and migraines where circulation away from the head to the genitals can give marked relief, making the not tonight I ve got a headache excuse redundant. Shifting focus from pain to pleasure also acts to remind cells of their capacity for joy, overriding persistent pain pathways.~http://universal-tao.com/article/sexual_energy_elixir.html
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