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How can I keep both my best friend and boyfriend?

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 June 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 20 June 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *asierToFallThanToForget writes:

My ex and I were together, on and off, for about a year. During this time we were basically inseparable. However. both of us had some major health issues and he had depression issues and it eventually we broke up. Neither of us was happy about it and he blamed one of my friends, who’d help me realize that breaking up would the best for me. I couldn’t be just his friend, so we quit talking to each other for a while. We became friends again but I was still upset about our breakup and we got into a fight. He insulted both me and my friend and called us some horrible things. This cycle repeated one other time and has led me to now. Recently, me and him have been hanging out again. We both still love each other but my friends don’t even approve of us being friends, and have given me a ton of crap because of it. I’ve been told by my friend that if I get back together with my ex she’s done with me. What do I do? How can I keep them both? I love him, so much and I miss him. Being with him and hanging out is the happiest I’ve been in a while. But she’s practically my family and I don’t want to lose her. So what should I do?

View related questions: best friend, broke up, get back together, my ex

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A female reader, Liz16754 United States +, writes (20 June 2010):

I've been through the same thing, if she were a true friend, she would support you no matter what. Think about it, if you stopped talking to your ex and listened to your friend she will think she has control over you. Do what you think you should do and don't you dare let anyone get in the way of that. If you love this boy, and you miss him, and you are NOT lying to yourself then go for it. Your friend will start respecting you as soon as she sees that you're going to do what you think is right. Just don't let her know that what she is saying bothers you, even though it does deeply.

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A female reader, EasierToFallThanToForget  United States +, writes (19 June 2010):

EasierToFallThanToForget is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The problem with that is that my friend hates him so much that Id have to hide being with him for that to work. Everytime im with him now she gets pissed at me, and thats just as friends.

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A female reader, Nitru Estonia +, writes (19 June 2010):

Nitru agony auntI've had tonnes of problems that are something like that and I've learned that a TRUE friend would definetly not tell you that if you're with him, I'm not your friend anymore. For hells sake its like kindergarden!! "If you dont give me that shovel I wont be your friend anymore." or "I like that new girl better than you I'll be her friend now."

I might be abit too much of a warrior in this to say but what i would do in your case, I would tell my friend to grow up. Or for a calmer option I just wouldn't let them be together in the same room. One day with him one day with my friend or something, somehow divide the time.

Sounds unfair actually, them two in a fight and you have to suffer for it.

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