A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I havent had sex in roughly two weeks. I noticed when it started getting spaced out, every other day turned to twice a week then once and now, I dont know. We both work, I would say he works works almost five days a week but shorter shifts where I work 4 days a week, but eleven hour days. We have young children. I know he loves me and he probably IS just tired, maybe a bit burnt out. Thats understandable. But his sex drive is just not there. I dont want to make a deal of it. He knows its affecting me and told me its fine if I want toys, so I have been looking. But I really miss him. I would like to at least makeout with him. When hes at work I try to have the house nice when he gets home, do dishes, a load if laundry at least and have dinner made. On the days I work I try to bring food home when I can afford it so he doesnt have to cook. I try and give him a massage at least twice a week. I really want him to not carry the weight of everything on his shoulders. But I would really like to have sex or even juat make out once a week or so. Is there any kinds of foods or things we can do to help get his drive back?? Is there anything I can do to get him to want to make out ir love on me? One kiss a day just isnt cutting it.
View related questions:
at work, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (11 February 2013):
Iv'e worked in the supplements industry. Foods/Herbs e.t.c help but they are never a magic bullet. Caffeine, Ginseng, Yohimbe, these herbs can help but I think alot of it is mental.If he's got alot on his mind it's very hard even for a guy to get aroused.
Just a suggestion, perhaps organize once a week or two weeks a day where there are no kids, no phone calls, no cooking dinner, nothing that can create stress and not expecting anything during sex which can also be stressful if he feels he's not "performing".
Initiate sex and get him in the mood, I can see you care alot about him and are doing what you believe will help. Like eddie85 said, it could even be depression. Ask him about it, investigate it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): First of all, you have to understand that if he doesn't feel like having sex, it's just his body or mind. It's not your fault at all. So please don't be alarmed and don't make it complicated.
But we understand that, as a human being, you have sexual needs and you must be satisfied.
You can try coffee, dark chocolate, and spices. Black pepper is good. Anything that tastes hot may be effective. Try onions (uncooked) too.
And of course, use your feminine charms. be playful and flirty. Dress sexy in bedroom. Smell good.
But whatever you do, don't let him realize that you are working on his sex drive. And never ever ever push him for what you want. You might make it worse.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 February 2013):
 Sounds like you are doing your best to get your boyfriend in the mood: good for you.
However, I sense there is a bit more going on. Perhaps he is stressed out over the little ones or feels that you guys don't have any privacy. He may also be so wrapped up in having the perfect little home that HE is tired.
May I suggest the following:
1) Establish a date night. Spring for a baby sitter or get the grandparents over. Anything! Try to get some quality time in just to talk, hold hands, go for a walk in the park, etc. By spending time together -- quality time -- you'll hopefully reignite that passion.
2) Surprise him. Send him flirty messages throughout the day. When he gets home, wear something sexy or even a hint of something sexy. Sometimes by being subtly sexy can be more of a turn on than the overt.
3) Tell him you need to be held / loved. I know it can be scary to admit vulnerability, but he is your man and it is job to be there for you physically. Most women are afraid to initiate sex, but in this case you have no choice to do so.
Don't let the lack of bedroom activities kill your relationship. At yours and his age, there should be little to stop you from having plenty of intimacy. However, if this continues it could be a sign of depression, a lingering resentment, perhaps something physical. It may be wise to consult a doctor or therapist if it does persist.
Eddie
...............................
|
