A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know there are a lot of pleas for help on how not to be so lonely and how to make more friends but here is mine, another to add to the list!The only time when I feel comfortable and I can truly be myself (whoever that is) is when I am with my family or 2 of my friends whom I have known for years. Other than that, I find it so hard to interact with people. I always get the impression that people think I’m a bit of an oddball and I find it difficult to make conversation. Sometimes I try to say something to join in a conversation, but most of the time I just feel stupid for trying. I mostly keep quiet as I think, if I have nothing interesting to say, then it is not worth bothering. That therefore puts me in a box as a person who is boring and uninteresting. This was the case all through school and whatever hope of it changing went down the drain after I got to uni. It really gets me down. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like an awkward duck. I have been told before that I am too uptight and don't know how to let go and enjoy life. All true, but I just can't, there is nothing inside me letting me. I feel as though life is passing me by and I'm just standing still.I am in my first year of university and pulled a short straw on accommodation; I began living with 8 other girls- 2 Chinese, a Russian, a Japanese, and 4 other English girls. The foreign girls didn't, and still don't, talk or make conversation however hard I have tried (in my own way), and by Christmas 4 of the girls had moved out. It's very quiet here and it doesn't help that I was dreading coming to uni anyway. I have heard of other flats that cook together and go out clubbing or to bars. I have made a few sort-of friends but they don't go out much and many have boyfriends so don't really want to branch out to make other friends. I therefore spend a lot of time alone, which I don't detest, as I don't mind my own company, but just wish it didn't happen with such regularity.It feels as though it will never get easier and I'll never have a good relationship with someone/people when you are totally comfortable and happy. I haven't had a girly giggle over nothing in so long and just hope that it won't always be like this. How long can someone survive when loneliness consumes them? But then I think that it won't happen when I feel like this because I will seem desperate and on it goes, a vicious circle much?! I've never had a boyfriend (no wonder really) and I just don't think it’s in the cards for me. I wish I had the closeness and love with someone that comes with such a relationship but how can I open myself to someone else when I’m not comfortable with who I am? I read a lot of romance books, and I mean ALOT! With life and all its uncertainty (and awkwardness in my case) I just love the guaranteed happy ending. I like to think that if I can't have one then its nice to read about people who can (albeit fictional ones).It doesn't help that I have a sister who is the definition of the word 'success'. She has great grades, an awesome boyfriend, so many friends who she can just openly chat with and have a laugh. I'm a pro at putting on a brave face and acting like life is peachy but it's not. Not at all.Sorry I have rambled on for so long. Thank you for taking time to read this :)
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christmas, clubbing, confidence, moved out, never had a boyfriend, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): I'm sorry if i say that you completly wrote my story. I feel so and not out spoken. I tried to figure out if what made me so fearful but couldn't reach the conclusion and still finds no way to overcome this situation which kills me every moment. I even started writing and did a lot to divert my mind from loneliness even did a lot like photography and bird watching etc but nothing helped........ It kills me every moment. I even tried to commit suicide a lot of times. But i really wand to live this precious life which is the god's gift.
i feel comfortable only when i'm with my cousin sister. But now she even ignores me a lot what really hurts me badly. I miss her badly all the time and when let people know about this, they suspect me as if i'm sexually frustrated. They can't even understand the pious ness of the relationship of brother and sister.
please let me know when you get a solution for your problem. It might decrease mine too.
anyways, i felt relaxed to share with a person who feels the same as only a person like you, who has the same empty ness, can better understand my situation. I would feel happy to have a chat with you if you don't mind.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 It ain't that bad. You've got 2 friends , after all. It means that you CAN have meaningful relationships with people. Maybe you just need to feel a real connection and are not that good at superficial interactions ; maybe that's just your personality , and it's not necessarily a bad thing. I am not a shy person, and I am the queen of small talk - I can chat up a whole commuter train , if I want. But , in time , I found myself wanting it less and less and less. When I was your age it gave me an ego boost to have an address book full of names. Now I'd rather spend my time with a selected few than shooting the breeze with a bunch of superficial acquaintances. Said that, I understand that you want to expand your circle of friends, and possibly meet guys too.I'd suggest you begin cultivating your interests and finding your passions. Like, getting more serious about the things you already do for passtime, or tryng something new that intrigues you. It's easier talking to someone who shares your interests, whatever they may be, from ballet to cooking to hard metal to... anything. It's a start , and from there you often will find that you have in common more that the specific subject that got you together.So, join a dance class , or an amateur drama group, or some cultural or political association, or volunteer for some project.... Also, I think Internet may be your ally. No, not Facebook or similar social networks ( in fact, personally I don't get how people can spend hours on those ). But, for instance, where I am there is a website called studentsville where students can check events , join or form groups, look for people to go see a specific movie or theatre show, etc.etc. I am sure that all university towns have got something along these lines.I hope it helped a bit- all the best
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