A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have agreed to go on holiday at the end of next month with my girlfriend with whom I have had an on-off relationship for five years. She wants to pay for the holiday as a birthday present for me, which is very generous but I feel rather uncomfortable being given so much and when I raised the issue she said she liked doing things for other people. so I decided to shut up and accept the gift!In many respects we're a good match but I've never felt wonderful with her or like I was in love. I wasn't attracted to her when we first met, but I did admire her attitude and felt comfortable with her. It would be great if I felt more definite about her, but it's like I never went through a falling in love phase and skipped straight to the warm, secure and comfortable companionship stage. At first my friends and family encouraged the relationship saying she might grow on me, give it time, see what happens, and since then I've been asking "When do I stop seeing what happens?" I just haven't felt any unity or desire for unity coming from her.When she first suggested going away she made it clear she really wanted to and I said I wouldn't go away with her unless and until I felt closer, more unified with her, and her response was "It's never going to work, I don't want to go away with someone who doesn't want to go with me." And I don't feel any of it is said with real love.Can anyone suggest what I can do to find mutual satisfaction for us both, whether in a relationship together or not? How can I improve my assertiveness and focus? Thank you.
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female
reader, PoSiOnKiSS +, writes (23 February 2007):
 This is a tricky one, because shes either very clingy or your not appreciating what you have here. She sounds nice by wanting to take you away but then again she sounds abit ignorant by means of your feelings. If you still dont feel anything strongly towards her besides friendship then my best adivce would be for you to find someone you can share special moments like going away on holiday together and your just going to have to tell this girl that you absolutly cannot accept this gift and end it at that, she cant make you go with her. It would be nice if you two could work things out but after five years i really dont know what either of you could do other than see a counseller for relationship advice. Hope it helps x
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