A
female
age
51-59,
*ired of caring
writes:My 18 year old daughter has been dating her boyfriend Ryan for 3 years. He is a family friend and we have known him since he was just a child. Last year he got mixed in with the wrong crowd and got involved with drugs. He started skipping school and did a lot of very stupid things (fighting and racing). My daughter was heart broken because Ryan was more then just a boyfriend he was her best fiend and she felt that he was turning into some one she didnt know. Eventually the broke up. My family and I did everything we could to help Ryan, since we were such good friend of his family. His family put him in a drug rehab program, monitored who he hung out and tried very hard to get him on the rigth track agian. Just after christmas we got together with his family and ryan and my daughter started hanging out agian,. We thought he was doing well and on valentines day she was excited to tell me that they were dating again. I was happy for her, I truly believe people deserve a second chance and Ryan did do everything to show he was moving forward in a postive way. Last week I noticed that the happy Ryan was slowly disappearing again, he seem down, depressed and angry for no reason, they started fighting over stupid things and he when they would argue he would get very angry and lower her down. one night after she came home in tears I went in to comfort her and she had a huge bruise on her back. She said she got it in volley ball practise but seemed very upset that I noticed it and then tried to rush me out of the room. The next day Ryan was caught buying drugs from an under cover cop. My daughter swears that he was wasnt using them and that he bought them for a friend. I am really worried that my daughter is going to end up hurt but every time i try to talk to her she gets angry. I love my daughter and I also love ryan and want to help him if I can but how can I if they shut me out
View related questions:
broke up, christmas, depressed, drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): im 17 and i went through some hard times 3 years ago ( i got into the wrong crowd. and i got involved with drugs but my parents caught me and monitored my friends and sent me to a councler. i was sooo angry with them) i shut my mom out. and as much as i was annoyed every single time she came into my room to try to tlk to me now im thankful she did and i would honestly admit that to her too. because if she hadnt then it would have shown she didnt care.* you dnt always have to ask her about ryan but talk to her about other thing about anything. just so she knows you are there to talk when ever.
A
female
reader, abcsummertime123  +, writes (17 March 2010):
im 17 and i went through some hard times 3 years ago ( i got into the wrong crowd. and i got involved with drugs but my parents caught me and monitored my friends and sent me to a councler. i was sooo angry with them) i shut my mom out. and as much as i was annoyed every single time she came into my room to try to tlk to me now im thankful she did and i would honestly admit that to her too. because if she hadnt then it would have shown she didnt care. * you dnt always have to ask her about ryan but talk to her about other thing about anything. just so she knows you are there to talk when ever.
...............................
A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Maybe if you drop gentle hints letting her know that you know what is going on. Talk about the situation in a round-about way, if she won't talk openly about it Hint that sometimes you have to give up on people so that they can learn to fight for themselves (drug addicts will NOT improve unless they find that bottom and want to go back up).
Try and spend extra time with your daughter, not necessarily in an intense way, but even just taking a walk, watching a favorite old movie together, any kind of situation you can think of that might put her at ease enough to open up. To remind her that you are her ally.
Good luck to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 You have to sit this one out and let your daughter realise her own conclusion.
I think she is hoping he will change, but that is not going to happen anytime soon.
Just be there to pick up the pieces and support your daughter when she needs to talk, and she will soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (16 March 2010):
Unfortunately, there is nothing much you can do except let your daughter know that you are there for her and you love her. You will have to be there for her to help her pick up the pieces of her life after this ordeal. The thing is, the more you try to actively help, the more she will resist your intervention. You mean well but what can you do if she won't listen. That's my rational self talking.
My 'what-would-I-do-if-this-was-my-child' side would probably do something like get Ryan arrested if he is still using drugs. Maybe ask both him and my daughter to take blood tests to prove their innocence. I would fear that my child might end up getting hooked herself. Ok, I know this is not comforting but you may need to do something a little off the wall to save your daughter.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 March 2010):
You know as well as I do that Ryan is big trouble for your daughter. He is a druggie, and I suspect that bruise on her back was from him. Stop trying to help him. He is no longer your concern. Your daughter is now the concern. You can't make her change her mind about him. But you can be there for her. Like many young women, she is naively believing he will change, or is blocking everything out. Until she sees him for what he is, there is nothing you can do other than be there for her. Ryan does not deserve a third chance. He has blown it and is now a danger.
...............................
|
