A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with the most perfect man for 2 years, until just over 5 wks ago when he ended out relationship. We were both madly in love and we got on perfectly, I have four children from a past relationship and he doesnt have any but he was cool with my children in fact he was a natrual. Anyway the problem was/is his MOTHER. early on in the relationship about 6 mths into it his mother found out about my 'baggage' and demanded he ended which unfortunatly he did. But we worked through it and got back together but it was secret.I know its gonna sound like a severe case of mummy`s boy but I think there is more to it. He is a calm and gentle person and he never expresses anger not like most people do. anyway back to just over five weeks ago, well he came to mine (he still lives at home) and his mother jumped in her car and followed him (he`s 27 im 31) once again she demanded he finished it, she told him he was a disappointment and she cried. since that day he has been on the phone to me daily, maybe 3 or 4 times a day and for hours. he even told his mother he was coming around to see me, but unfortunaty he made an excuse and she he needed to help me with my study. I had advised him to merely say BECAUSE I CAN. Anyway he tells me he loves me and that Im very special and he always wants me in his life, and I reply not special enough or we`d be together. last week he said he wanted to get back together and yesterday with a nudge from me he said we cant ever get back together, he is truly driving me nuts.he gets in from work and goes to his tiny box room and doesnt socialise with his family, they speak small talk and thats it, im so confused as to why his mother pulls his strings when they barely say a word to each other unless he`s doing something she doesnt agree with.its clear he wants me in his life because of the level of contact (plus we have been intimate) yes I know many will say get rid but I truly love him and he is the man I want to spend my life. I will also tolorate his interferring mother but I donno what I can do to help him see that she is abrusive and he needs to leave.maybe I need to cut contact and see if that pushes him to move out or say something, Im pretty confused, coz I dont want to be like her but I find myself nagging him.hope you guys can help x
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 June 2010):
You may love him, you may want to help him, you may want to keep contact and you may even think you can handle his mother. But the fact is when push came to shove, he chose her over you, and has now made it clear that you're not a person he can have in his life. I'm sorry, but he is a mummy's boy. I've been called a nice, gentle guy sometimes, but you can be sure I wouldn't allow my mother to pick and choose who I saw. In fairness to you, I don't think any woman will ever be good enough for this man. But if he couldn't stand up when it came to it, then he wasn't worthy of your time. He needs to break this cycle himself, and it doesn't sound like he will, even with help.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (29 June 2010):
No he is a mommys boy and him being quite also can be signs of a mental condiction that yes is brought on by his mother!
i was w/ a mommys boy oh and let me tell you what i did i stood my ground and bought one of those big big baby bottles and gave it to her and told her to get him off her tit! and walked away, i wasn'nt backing down from her even if it mean't losing him. because then it would tell me whos more important and if he choose her well i didn't lose, you see she did me a favor i considerate it his loss my gain!
because he's going to be the same w/ the next woman, so i do agree w/ you back off and he will see you are not playing any head games w/ him that he does need to choose and yes sometimes w/ mothers involved they end up making it hard on their sons. and it's a sad thing really you are maybe helping him to open his eyes and i would tell him that his mother has brought it to this! stand your ground.
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A
female
reader, QZ +, writes (29 June 2010):
 You won't be able to help him until he helps himself. It's hard to admit your mother is controlling your life, and no matter what other people say you won't do anything until you realize this for yourself. I'm afraid there really isn't much you can do other than try to stay friends with him and support him... It sounds like that's something he truly needs at the moment.
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