A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:How can I help repair the relationship my b/f has with his son? His son is 19 and in college and he just seems really disrespectful towards his dad, whom I love dearly. The kid is great otherwise but I think he has some anger issues stemming from their divorce, which was 15 years ago but now that his mother has passed away, things have gotten tense between them. I get along okay with the son but I don't feel comfortable talking to him about delicate things. What do you advise? His dad just ignores the behavior. Maybe I should too but it hurts my heart. They only have each other right now.
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female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 Hi there babes,
You sound like a loving caring person, how lucky are these two guys to have you in their lives!!!!!!
I know its delicate for you but I think you really need to sit down and talk to your partner about this tell him you have noticed his sons behaiour and it is upsetting you seeing it hurt him....
Your partner and his son obviously have big issues to iron out here as well as dealing with their sad loss, they need some father and son time here hun, they need to go out to some lad stuff together, fishing would be a good one as its peaceful and maybe they could talk and learn to bond again......
Why don't you suggest this and see what your partner has to say tell him you love him and your there to support him but right now your prepaired to sit back a bit and let them have their space, his son respects you thats great at least you haven't got a battle on your hands where the son resents you......
I wish you all the best of luck,
Keep on being the loving person you are the world is so short of people like you around
Love Donna xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): I must say not knowing the whole story it's hard for you to help. But at least the son respects you and you get along well which means he doesn't see you as an intruder and in time you can bring them nearer organising get-togethers for ex. The boy must be overwhelmed with his mother's death and usually a way to deal with such is becoming more irascible, psychologically such a pain justifies one to be more unsympathetic, because the rest haven't felt it, [not the same way] as he. I think you should let him be for a time until he acknowledges what happened and accepts the loss. Maybe his father is ignoring him as a strategy, because too much attention would probably be worse. Suffering can make him say things as "If you cared you wouldn't have divorced", things which he wouldn't mean otherwise, but it's a way to relieve of the anger and all. Treat him as he is able to cope with the situation without being pampered or so, and after a period try... a dinner together, try doing things in common and when you become friends with the son you can tell him as by ocurrence how his father is so proud of him in one respect or another. I wonder in what ways he displays disrespect towards his dad? Judging by all you said, I think though things can really be improved in time; you appreciate the son because you say he's great otherwise, so you won't do it as a duty, and things that are done with love and goodwill are more likely to work. Good luck there
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