A
male
age
51-59,
*ulup8
writes:What can I do to help my girlfriend who is very pee shy? This makes it very difficult to plan a day out going to the beach or to a concert or even to a long movie. When she gets home to her apartment, I have to wait outside so she can pee. Sometimes she is so nervous about that she can't go just because I am near by. She claims she has been like that ever since middle school. She was unable to start going when any other girl was in the bathroom or in a nearby stall. She used to hold her pee from early morning to late in the afternoon all through high school. She has been going to college only parttime.
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male
reader, donmed +, writes (25 January 2009):
Your girlfriend is suffering from a social phobia known as paruresis. It is very common but until recently has not been publicly discussed. About 1 person in 7 suffer from it world wide. The fear is very real. For example, many boys and men can't relax to pee when anyone is next to them at the urinal or if anyone else is in the bathroom. Many girls and women can't pee if anyone is in the next stall. They may be afraid that someone else can hear them pee. What happens is instead of relaxing as they come into the bathroom, they tighten their muscles and keep the urine in their bladder. To get help check out www.paruresis.org Go to the forum and read the words of many suffers as well as way you can help yourself. This is a psychological and physical problem. Some have it so seriously that they cannot pee at home when anyone is near by. Others have it once in awhile when the rest room is very crowded as at a concert or football game. Like your girlfriend many begin to have the problem in early adolescence (middle school). You can help her by getting in touch with people who can help at paruresis.org. There are some good books on the matter. Check out shy bladder or paruresis at amazon.com
A
male
reader, fulup8 +, writes (24 November 2008):
fulup8 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThese have been very kind and compassionate answers. I than you all for them. I hope that others will also respond.
I think that I will continue to talk with her about her problem. I am trying to be supportive.. I recently told her that when she begins to feel the need to pee that we will find a private place for her to go. Many rest areas now have family bathrooms. I told her to try to go there. She was able for 1 or 2 timesbut now when others came in to use the other 2 toilets. I asked her when we were at my apartment that instead of leaving while she tried to pee I would turn on music. Then I won't hear her go. That is a possiblity for her. I have also gotten her an i-pod for her to listen to especially when she goes into a more public rest room. That hasn't worked so far. But she is now more open to keep trying.
I also have some other stories about pee shy guys that I have known in H. S. and college. The one I think about most was a younger cousin in my family. When I was 14 and he was 12, we went to boy scout camp together. Bathroom facilities were primative--outhouses including "toilets" 4 in a row to defecate in and a trough to urinate in accomdating about 4 or 5 boys at a time. That didn't bother me. My young cousin came to me a few hours after we arrived after a 2 hour bus trip. He said to me that he hadn't peed since he left home. It was now 6 hours later. He said he tried to go in the trough even when other guys weren't there. Then 2 came in. They started to pee OK. He couldn't go at all. What could he do, he asked. I have got to go so bad and I can't. We went out in the woods. I told him to try to go there. By that time I needed to go again. I said let's go together. I did. He still couldn't. It was not that he was ashamed of his penis. For his age he was well-endowed. All the men in our family were circumcised and so were all the guys at camp that I knew. (We used to swim in the nude.) So that wasn't a problem. So I walked away out the woods. A few minutes later he came back saying he had gone and it was a lot. Amazingly he got used to going there and to do his bowel movements with some other guys. But all the while he was there he continued to be pee shy and went in the woods.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Strange but I have that to a degree, SOMETIMES I can't go if I hear people talking in the stall next to me or outside. It's really strange, a bit of advice I can give is like me, maybe she can put her headphones on and listen to music while going? it always works for me! blocks everything out!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 November 2008):
 It's a common fear. Loved all the rest of the advice you got.
Maybe instead of figuring out how you can end her fear, you can be a good boyfriend and help her try to avoid situations where she'll get bladder shy. Voluntarily leave the vicinity so that she doesn't have to be embarrassed when she asks you to give her a minute. When you're out, watch the door of the bathroom for her so that nobody walks in on her.
Encourage her to talk to a doctor/therapist and in the meantime try the best you can do to alleviate that stress.
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A
female
reader, superbunny  +, writes (22 November 2008):
 I've heard about this, you can get some kind of help for it to solve the problem. It's quite common I believe. :)
Get her to chat to her doctor and just explain what's wrong. :)
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): I don't think there is anything you can do about this phsychological problem. Actually, it is very common. I know a lot of guys who have the same problem and simply can't piss if another person is in close proximity. Sometimes possible but mostly not. Generally, they have to disappear into a cubical to go. Maybe it is fear of vulnerability in the midst of strangers. All I can say is just be in acceptance of her 'phobia' and maybe, eventually, she will be ok as the trust between you both increases.
In the meantime - don't be to pissed off about it!
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