A
male
age
36-40,
*asellers0
writes:My girlfriend thinks that she is ugly...and the problem is, she's been told this all her life by various sources(including her parents) to the point that she believes it is the only truth...when I tell her she is pretty(she is), she just tells me "you have to say that," or "of course you think that, everyone thinks theirs is the best." when I tell her that people have told me she is beautiful, she just tells me "oh, they're just being polite." And it's getting to be a problem, because she gets VERY depressed, and I don't know how to help her. Can anyone give any advice on how to help her? she has very low self- esteem, and tends to be cynical and suspicious of anyone complimenting her or trying to help her.
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female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (7 July 2011):
 I agree with Drew, it's hard for us girls to believe positive things about ourselves... but oh! boy!!! say a negative thing and that becomes "BRANDED" in our skulls!!!.
When my ex used to tell me he liked something about me (THAT I thought was ugly), the more he would tell me, I would start believing... this can be annoying for the guy and it's not that we are not confident, it's just that we need you guys to keep reminding us you find us cute... even with out flaws!...
I hope it helped!, be patient and keep reminding her, she might not say anything but she'll start believing the more you say it.
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Eh, if she's been told it all her life it's not gonna turn around over night, know what i mean?
All you can do is just keep trying to change her perception
by continuing to compliment her.
I've dated a couple of girls like this. I remember one instance where the girl said "oh you're just being polite", and my comeback was "if polite is wanting to fuck your brains out, right here right now, then yes, that's what i'm being."
She didn't have a retort for that, and could only smile.
Seriously, i think i would sit down and talk to her about this. Tell her it's affecting the relationship. Ask her why she thinks you're with her? Are you just in a relationship simply to be "polite"?
I'd tell her "i'm in a relationship with you because you're the most wonderful, beautiful person i have ever met, and i find it frustrating that you refuse to believe that is true."
She needs to understand that her lack of self-esteem isn't just hurting her, it's hurting YOU too.
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