A
female
age
30-35,
*cvaeamanda
writes:How can I help my boyfriend, he hasn't been able to hold a job for longer than three to six months. He keeps getting let go and it seems to me for the most ridiculous reasons, such as talking too much and too loudly.I've been with him for about a year and half and I love him very much, but there are issues. My family pretty much despises him now and they think of him as an idiot loser for losing so many jobs.He is so sweet to me and gives me all the support and love I need, he would do anything for me.Sometimes my boyfriend can say awkward things around my family and come off as rude, but he is actually a gently kind-hear-ted person.I honestly don't know what to do at this point, I want to make sure he can hold a job for at least a year. I can't seem to understand why he cannot keep a job, I'm beginning to wonder if it's a personal thing, like maybe people just don't like him. My parents and siblings say that he is annoying and that I deserve way better. I don't feel that I need anyone else, I'm treated with unconditional love. But is this situation normal? What can I do to help him? I know he is really trying at this point to get a new job. How can I be sure he'll be able to hold onto it this time? Every time he loses a job I have to see how upset it makes him, I don't want him to have to feel that way anymore and I want us to be stable so we can have a future together. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 I meant only suggest the seminar if he asks for advice and genuinely wants answers. If he doesn't ask, or if it's just part of the sob fest do not respond.
Let him see your displeasure without shoving it in his face (with silent treatments, nagging, or offering unsolicited advice).
A
female
reader, demeplev +, writes (2 August 2012):
 You cant do ANYTHING. By the way I married a man against my families wishes they hated him I thought he was sweet, turned out mentally ill and had never ever had a job longer than 6 mo usually in 2/3mo spurts in his entire 44 yrs of life up to date!!! I am divorced five yrs it was the worst decade of my life that I cant get back, and my daughter pays the price for my poor choice. Let him fix his own problems, get someone who deserves you and that YOU deserve. You are young the world is your oyster, find yourself a stable man whos your equal, if this guy fixes himself without your help or egging on and you two are really in love it may in the future be salvageable..trust me there are red flags and bells going off head the waring I dated amny many many "nice sweet" guys, doesnt mean you have to marry any of them or even call them your boyfriend. I am sorry but listen to your family they want whats best for you. Good luck. Peace and love.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 August 2012):
 I'm sorry, there is NOTHING you can do. It's all on him. And it this is his MO or his pattern he is unlikely to stop it, grow up and get a clue anytime soon.
Have you talked to him about it?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (1 August 2012):
The person who should be asking this question is your boyfriend and since he isn't, my guess is he is not yet ready to overhaul his social skills. That means you'll be beating your head against a wall trying to help him.
Talking too much and too loudly are perfectly valid reasons to let someone go. People who do this generally aren't working all that hard. Even if he is somehow able to complete all of his assigned tasks, his constant nattering is a distraction which hinders the productivity of others. Your boyfriend is creating an unpleasant work environment for those around him. Quite right he should be the one to go.
My advice is to say very little. The next time he loses his job don't console him. Don't be mean or anything, just remain matter of fact. Suggest he enroll in some kind of seminar or something. Since your boyfriend is so good to you then he is obviously capable of reading body language and picking up subtle cues some of the time so he isn't suffering from some organic mental condition. He just chooses to ignore them those signals.
Stop worrying about him. If he wants to turn his luck around he'll have to take stock and think about solutions.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 August 2012):
I have been in the work force for over 20 years, and anyone who cannot consistently keep a job for more than three months has no one to blame but themselves.
Ive seen this many times before and unfortunately, I believe this is a result of an intrinsic personality trait that is difficult to change, if ever.
This is a pattern that will repeat itself over and over throughout his life. There is nothing you can do to change it. Either move on or realize you are betting your life on a loser and accept that.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (1 August 2012):
 I'm seeing a pattern here.
He's losing his job because he's too loud and talks too much.
Your family find him rude.
Your friends think he's annoying.
That's the problem. He has no idea how to act around people. He can be literally the nicest person in the world, but until he learns how to stop being a jerk in public, no one will bother finding that out.
He needs to seriously modify his attitude or he'll never get anywhere in life. No one's going to keep him around "because he's so nice". He HAS to learn how to work with other people without being annoying or rude! That's something every adult has to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 There is nothing you can do I'm afraid, your boyfriend needs to change his behaviour at work in order to be more sucessful. Unless you work with him you will never know what he is like at work, while you see him in a certain way when you are together, he might be totally different at work and you would never know.
Going on the one example you gave of him talking too much and too loudly, this would indicate that he distracts other workers with his talking and noise, and he is unproductive because he is talking instead of working. Those are not silly reasons, they are serious problems that he needs to address. No-one wants to hire a lazy guy who distracts the people around him, that is a very poor employee so no wonder why he gets fired if that is the case.
Unless your boyfriend changes his attitude (and you cant force him to change) then he isnt going to hold down a job. All you can do is talk to him, ask him to honestly explain why he is getting fired from every job and try and steer him in a direction so he doesnt do it again. You have to be careful though, you dont want to sound like you are telling him what to do, but it does sound like he needs a bit of a wake up call so he starts to take work more seriously.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, my2cents  +, writes (1 August 2012):
What sort of jobs is he leaving? If he loves to talk or talks too loudly, maybe you should steer him towards outside trade jobs or if you can help tweak his volume, a job like helpdesk phone operator as such.
As the previous poster wrote, it is something he would have to fix and want to fix, but theres no harm in you guiding him in the right direction with some options for him. Some people in this world have never been shown or taught etiquette in certain situations or surroundings so it may not be his fault. If he adores and listens to you, maybe he will follow through on your feedback
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Hi
this is very kind that you want to help him solve his problem. But ultimately it is his problem.
He can still be a sweet kind loving guy, but if his emotional intelligence is not at the level it needs to be and if his empathy is zilch with his colleagues at work and if he fails to notice the reactions of others (in time) then these problems will continue to afflict him.
Get him to do a series of EmotionalIntelligence (FREE ones) on line until he starts to work out the real problem.
Here is one (there are many other FREE versions on line)
http://www.intelligencetest.com/links/Emotional_Intelligence/
But he might also benefit from a counselling session with a Life Coach or a psychologist who can pinpoint what he does at work that causes him so much trouble.
There will be a solution and he needs to determine what actions and what level of lack of empathy he is currently at?
He has to grasp and understand what it is that he is doing for this to keep on happening.
He has to make the decision to make some changes to how he communicates with others and how he relaties to others.
And he has to develop the understanding and the empathy to nip this in the bud before the problem becomes insurmountable.
...............................
|
