A
female
age
30-35,
*alunaberry
writes:So this is what's going on: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 weeks. He already has told his parents he loves me, and has told me the same. I'm not sure if that is a good or a bad thing or if I should be worried about it. He's not trying to get sex, because he always says he would rather snuggle or just hold me then get sexual.He will go out with me in public, and hold my hand, kiss me, all that. But when I text him, sometimes it takes him Hours to text back if he even texts back at all.That makes me think somethings up. Then last night he hinted at me moving in with him when he moves into his new apartment. Im going to be meeting his parents next weekend too. I dont know whats going on. Any help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): OP things are going very fast here even if you knew this guy for a while before you got together, boyfriend after two weeks is too soon if you ask me, you don't even know whether you're compatible yet. It seems you're getting caught up in the whirlwind here and just going along with everything and all of this is on his terms too by the way he doesn't respond when you text him and he's making all these plans on your behalf.
Look OP, Abella's advice while good is the exception and not the rule, the guy she knows who went hell for leather so soon is the first time I've heard of that happening and it succeeding. Most of the time whirlwind romances burn out quickly and quite frankly the one she describes might too because they got married very soon and before they'd even gone past the honeymoon stage, then again they may just have been very lucky.
Look OP your boyfriend is in love with the concept and idea of you and not the person because quite frankly he doesn't know you well enough to know whether he truly loves you or not. It's all well and good feeling you love someone and I know plenty that fall for people straight away but they're usually the ones that end up in a relationship with a person they're incompatible with and spend a long time ignoring that and trying to make it work.
For me pacing is one of the most important parts of dating and getting to know someone, too quick and you burn out, too slow and you lose interest.
"This is a man so besotted and adoring of you that he sees you as the most wonderful person he has ever met."
Do you not find that a bit strange though? He doesn't even know you yet he thinks you're the most amazing person ever? OP while some may think that's sweet, cute and romantic very often that's a sign of an obsessive personality or desperation the people I know who are like that have a distinct lack of control over their emotions that makes them very volatile. They're fantasists that have a certain idea of the way should go, their perfect way and anything that contradicts that no matter how small can be very upsetting to them and throw a massive spanner in the works. They completely ignore the practicalities of the relationship the important stuff that makes things work and they also ignore how you may feel about things and get upset if you don't have the same plan as them.
I have a friend recently out of something like this. He started gushing about how amazing and perfect this girl was straight after the night he met her and got her number. He asked her to be his girlfriend after the first date and she said yes and immediately after that he started making all these plans, even told me she was "the one" after a couple of weeks. All he talked about was her and the vast majority of that was him freaking out about every little single thing that might burst his little fantasy bubble. I warned him lots of times not to get carried away. This girl was just out of a long term relationship, she was also seeing and texting about 3 other guys when they started going out and maintained her "friendship" with these guys and he ignored all that because everything was going according to the plan he had in his mind of how things should go. He thought she was perfect and everything was perfect because she was letting herself get swept up by his desires. He's an intelligent guy too and has had plenty of relationships before but was completely lost with this girl.
Now what happened with him is what happens most of the time in things like this. After a couple of months she started to feel smothered by the fact that everything was on his terms and even the most minor of things she tried to do to take control broke his heart into bits and he go very upset. Like say when he said they should move in together and she said it was far too soon and she wanted to get to know him better he freaked out majorly because this didn't fit into his mental plan his dreams, he started to think she didn't love him as much as he loved her and after a while it became obvious to me that she was pretty much just going along with things because of how upset he got when things didn't go his way. As it turned out they were not even nearly compatible, the time they had was based solely on his desire and her need for male attention after her break up and they just started bickering a lot and he got crushed.
The point to my story is this, they started off badly because everything was not just all on his terms but terms that were based on pure emotion with no thought for the practicalities of the situation. He didn't even know nor care whether they were compatible he just wanted to get carried away in the whirlwind. Any time she tried to exert a bit of control or slow things down she couldn't because he got crushed every time and that's not unusual at all.
Now as the previous posters said if you like being in that kind of situation, if you don't mind completely ceding control to this guys fantasy then go ahead and enjoy yourself. But if you want to give yourself the best chance here you need to reign him in a little bit and stop him getting carried away. You really do need to have some certain conditions met before you start making plans for the future, you do need to know if you're compatible, you need to know that he can practical aswell as loving and you need to know that your feelings on things matter just as much and that this relationship is based on mutual desire, mutual needs and not just how he thinks things should go.
You need to take a big step back and ask yourself how you would like this relationship go, what pace suits you. Do you feel things are going too fast? Do you feel as if things are too intense too soon?
You need to figure out how you'd like things to be and how you'd like things to progress and you need to talk to him and express what that is. A relationship is about two people and they both want, figure out what it is you want and then go about making that happen.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 It sounds like he is moving very fast here, and that is a bit worrying, but he might just be really happy he has met you and perhaps that is why he is pushing everything so quickly.
How do you feel about him? Do you love him after only 2 weeks? Or are you still getting to know him and dont feel ready to say you love him yet? After 2 weeks I think you can be besotted with someone and really like them, but love is a different matter. He seems to be letting his emotions and mouth run away with him, rather than slowing down and getting to know the real you.
There is a great quote fro Captain Corelli's Mandolin that I think gives a true overview of what real love is:
"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!"
So perhaps if your boyfriend is being realistic he is falling for you, rather than being in love with you yet, you have not been together long enough to let all the madness and emotion subside to see what is actually left. In the first weeks and months of dating you feel lust, passion, you think about them all the time, want to be with them all the time....but that isnt love, that is just an infatuation with the new person in your life. That can happen to anyone at any time. But real love, the thing that is left once all the crazy emotions have faded away, that can only be shared between certain people.
I wouldnt worry too much though, if you are happy with the way things are going just let it carry on. However if you are not comfortable with this moving so fast tell him to slow down! And whatever you do, please dont move in with him for at least 1 year of dating. You cannot comitt to moving in together when you hardly know each other, living together is difficult and you need to be 100% sure that you get on very well and are good at communicating with each other, otherwise you will just end up arguing all the time and getting annoyed with each other.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Hi malunaberry
what you are seeing is a man seriously and utterly besotted with you as the ONE.
When men feel like this they move fast to introduce you to family.
I even recall a man so adoring of his future wife that their FIRST ever date together was.....wait for it.... he invited her to accompany him to a Wedding in his Family so that everyone could meet this girl. His reasoning being that he wanted the family to meet the girl who would be the bride at the next wedding in the family.
And he was correct. They did get engaged 6 months later and they did get married on the anniversary of the day they met one year later.
And I last heard they are still together years later.
But he is also a guy. He gets busy. He is not as into Social Media. It may not be his 'thing'. I know it is irritating if he does not reciprocate. Maybe he is a more Visual person and so gets more turned on at the sight of you before his eyes and in his life.
People often know when they meet the ONE. The fact that he want sto introduce you to his family and he is NOT pushing you for sex already tends to support that this man is utterly and completely enamoured by you and has a major serious crush on you and he has all the feelings of love and adoration for you.
This is a man so besotted and adoring of you that he sees you as the most wonderful person he has ever met.
Just enjoy.
If you also like him or you grow to really like him then things could go very well.
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