A
female
age
41-50,
*ouvelle32
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years and lived together almost all of that time. He's been wonderful, supportive and caring... basically, I thought he was the one and I love him with all my heart. We are both in our thirties so we're old enough to think about long term commitment and he said he wanted to marry me. Anyway, he had some issues from his past and I had no idea how much they have affected his life until now. Basically he had a really messed up childhood. His father was an alcoholic who left his mother.. she cried all the time and when he was just 14 tried to lean on him for emotional support. He hasn't told me any details, but he said she treated him like a husband. I don't know what that means, but it can't be good. She may have even sexually abused him, I have no idea because he won't talk to me about it. So basically, he was having some long term financial issues, he has trust issues, commitment issues and probably some self esteem issues as well (he thinks he's a bad person he said.. I don't agree). I never really knew how deep his issues went until we got into a huge fight and he in my opinion overreacted... I came home and all his stuff was gone. It took me a while to figure out that the things from his past that he has not dealt with are causing a lot of his current issues. I told him that and he agreed that he does not want to be in constant turmoil on the inside anymore and he's going to see a therapist. He basically said that he loves me, but he thinks I should move on because it would be unfair for him to ask me to wait since he doesn't know how long this will take or what the outcome will be. I am happy that he's getting therapy, but hate to be apart. I love him very much and it's killing me not talking to him. What should I do? Do people recover from childhood abuse through therapy? How long does it take? Years? I feel like he can do this and still be with me.. is that not right? I'm really confused. I know people would probably say to cut my losses and move on, but I've never loved anyone as much as I do him.
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alcoholic, move on, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, omfgbabygirl  +, writes (14 January 2011):
Hey hun. If you really love him, you have to think about what he might be going through. It's great that he's seeking professional help. That's definitely the first step in his healing. I think the only thing you can do at this point is support him. If he needs space to sort through his past, you need to respect that.
But I do believe that love conquers all! If you truly love him and feel that you can wait for him, you should. Because if you move on, you will never know what could have happened if you waited. :) Good luck.
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