A
male
age
41-50,
*roken inside
writes:Last night my girlfriend told me that she believes that she is not good enough for me. She told me that she likes me. But she said that she has low self esteem and feels that her life is not going to be a good one because of past decisions she has made. She feels that she is going to do something to make my family not like her. She dosen't think that her life will be a good one because she has two children who's fathers are not around and want nothing to do with them. She also told me that her grandfather who is very Christian (nothing wrong with that) said some very unkind things to her when her son was born and that the only time he has spoken to her was last Christmas. That was because they were both in the same room. She wants to better her life by going back to school and becoming a nurse, but with two kids at home under the age of 6 and working full time she cant. She is afraid that she will be stuck in a dead end job forever. I really care for her even though we have been dating for about 6 weeks. I know that it might be the Honeymoon stage in our relationship but I want to help her any way I can. So I guess my question is: How can I help her raise her self esteem and let her know that I care for her like I do, or do I let her deal with it on her own and be there for her when she needs my?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Demondoll +, writes (2 February 2010):
Be there for her. Ask her what you can do to help her out and even if she tells you she doesnt know do something for her anyway. Talk to her and act on what you what you are saying. Talk to her about what the both of you want and how you will help her achieve her goals. Make her a romantic evening and tell her how you feel about her and that you want to help her move on and make the past the past. Its hard to let go for a woman and with being overwhelmed with kids and everything else you said on your question its even harder and stressful but with someone like you who cares as much as you do she will be fine in due time.
A
female
reader, not confusious  +, writes (2 February 2010):
Wow, i think the fact that you have come here to ask advice pretty much shows you care a great deal for your GF. I admire you for that and if she ever did see these posts, believe me, it will lift her self esteem soooooo high she wouldnt know what to do with it - however, that is not really the option you were looking for.
It sounds like she has lead a pretty isolated life with a huge amount of negativity around her especially if she already feels like your family wont like her. She has been hurt by her familys lack of 'love & caring' which is why she feels like no one will like her.
"She dosen't think that her life will be a good one because she has two children who's fathers are not around and want nothing to do with them."
- you have to make her realise that in this situation, she has to think about her children. Make her understand that her life and those of her children WILL be better without the fathers and the fact that you are there for her will probably be more than what both fathers put together have to offer. Rejection is a horrible feeling and she is feeling that for her kids. She feels the fathers rejected her children more than the feeling of not having a good life because they dont want their children. It is such a terrible feeling to think someone (especially the dads) doesnt want their kids..but such a warm and beautiful one when a stranger (or you) opens their hearts to them.
Yes it hurts when a family member is nasty - thats the negativity bringing her down and if they cant appreciate her, then they dont deserve to be a part of her life. Get rid of the negativity.
And lastly...
We are in the twenty tens sweetie...there is no such thing as CANT! She has to remain positive and as long as she has her mind set on 'CANT' she WONT! simple. I have 2 children, fulltime job and am going back to uni this year. There are so many facilities/jobs/unis etc that cater for working mums. Help look for colleges and daycare that will suit her timetable. She will love you for that and it will show you really care. If i were you and very serious about trying to raise her self esteem, find out what she is good at weather it be sport, hobbie whatever and nurture it. Sport is usually a great place to start as you have a team of people wanting the same thing and supporting one another every step of the way. Great way to raise self esteem. Now my question to you is...since you have only been in this relationship for 6 weeks, what did/do you see in her? You obviously saw something she has never seen, let her know it.
good luck x
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