A
male
age
51-59,
*ahogany69
writes:How can I have just realised that I died 20yrs ago?I spent my formative years in children's home after children's home and as a result of the terrible things that happened to me in those places I feel like I actually died. Does that make any sense? I don't feel as though I've ever known real love even though I've had my fair share of partners. I feel as though my pain is visible and it frightens people away and makes it impossible to love me! On the surface I'm attractive, own a couple of homes and drive a nice car but.. Does anyone know what I mean? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): In life, there will always be people who have had a better life, and worse. I can sympathize with you feeling 'unloved' as a child. After all, how are we to know how to give love and receive it, if it was not shown to us from our caregivers? Well, the Truth is you are LOVED just for the fact that you were born! ("He carefully thought of you in your mothers womb, your color eyes, smile...") Maybe you don't want me to bring up The Father, but He is there for you. Ask Him anything you want, and He will show you real love as He has shown me. When you embrace this love, you will be free to love others, and accept it in return. I hope you will give this a try.
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (14 December 2008):
 Each day I wake up and feel that I am all alone. My childhood was marked with so many bad memories of being shifted from pillar to post I never felt I belonged anywhere. At 51 years of age I finally have realized that I've had to reinvent myself and make the life I needed for my life was so empty. My heart ached each time I moved and lost friends or family or the place I called home. The emptiness broke my heart.
I knew I had to survive. At least I was lucky enough,if you can call it lucky, to have lived mostly with my older siblings and their families and a couple of times with very close friends. That's the way it was for the better part of my first 17 years of life. I married 3 months before my 16th Birthday. My Dad who I was so close to got married and his new wife was jealous of me. He kicked me out. Now believe it or not I was a good girl. I didn't do drugs, smoke or drink alcohol. I was an Honor Student and attended school regularly, never skipped. I was respcectful and dated only one guy for nearly two years, I would up married, now mind you I was also a Virgin and a churchgoer.
Thru my life no matter what I did, the feelings of being alone and deserted followed me. I was divorced at 19 and when I remarried my heart was lifted by the births of my two children. Now I have 5 grands,they lift my spirit because I can see the love and joy in their precious eyes. They help me to feel that I am really something special, but yet I still feel alone.
I lost my Dad at 26, and later helped my Stepdad care for my ailing Mother for over 3 years in a nursing home. All this was going on while I took care of a recovering alcoholic bf,newborn granddaughter, two teenagers and two little boys ages 2&3 with ADHD for nearly 7 years. My Mother passed away in '98 and the following year I took my Stepdad in and cared for him. Mother had passed away from Altzheimers and little did we know my Stepdad had it too! At that time I had 5 other adults living in the house with me along with 4 grandchildren. I am a caregiver, and I was DISABLED!
All this time no matter what I did I still felt alone, even in a house full of people. People whom I loved. My life was passing quickly before my eyes and now left me wondering where had I gone? My life was a mass of mistakes, failures, disorganization, lost memories and illness. I realized something was wrong. I was diagnosed with BI-POLAR Disorder in '91 only a few months after my husband abandoned me along with my two children. I have never been one to give up so even a lonely as I felt I kept on going and kept on giving. Since then I have owned my own business for nearly two years. I am still a caregiver, and I am still disabled.
I hope my words will give you hope becuase I know what it is like to feel alone, like you don't belong. To give all you have and it's never enough. To make money and buy nice things yet still feel like you have gained nothing. To open your heart over and over but never to realize that real love for no one seems to want that part of you.
In 2003 I was diagnosed with Cancer. I had surgery for a rare form of Medullary Thyroid Rare Tumorous type and I was cut from nearly ear to ear. love to sing and mythroat had to be cut for the operation. They got all of the cancer and I thank God for that. I went to sleep praying and when I woke up I was praying. I didn't know if I would ever talk again. The nurse walked in my room roughly 2 hours after my operation and leaned to look at the television, she had heard singing. She turned to me and her eyes were wide and her voice spoke with exclamation....Oh My Goodness ...That was you! The song was AMAZING GRACE. I recieved a single card after I returned home from a lady at my church who sent her best wishes and said she couldn't wait to hear the VOICE or HER ANGEL again. Well of course I cried.!
My hope here is too help others and that is my greatest joy beyond my family and friends.That is why I am here at Dear Cupid. As I said I know how it is to feel sad and empty, that feeling of being alone and confused. I have known the hurt. I had to get help, therapy and medications for my health problems and I still continue to give. I am a natural born caregiver and it's by the GRACE OF GOD that I am here today to be able to tell you this. It's by the GRACE OF GOD that I survived to be able to let others know not to give up hope.
Whatever we go thru in life can affect our physical,emotional, or mental well being. It's up to us to find our own way to cope with our hardships and to thrive. It's not an easy journey but with Faith and Trust in God, our hopes for a brighter tomorrow will be well rewarded.
*In my time not thine thus sayeth the Lord.
Just keep believing and God will see you thru!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
female
reader, blondebarbiehere +, writes (14 December 2008):
i dont really know how to answer your question but il try mayb feelin like youv died eachtime mayb each time it just you changed your personality to fit into these places so tha last person you was has died you had a new personality changed home that personality died and got a new one just carried on from ther dont knw if am makin sense but atleast i tried lol sorry x x
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