A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 30 years old and I have been dating with this guy who is 46 years old. We love each other so much. He never been married or had a kid before. He is so honest person and I love him so much.The problem is my family,specially my mom.she always been involve in my relationship. Never let me to have normal relationship. Always judging me and keep bringing my last stupid relationship that I had. If she doesn't like someone she will start to fight and do everything. For my last relation she even called the guy and told him leave my daughter alone. I dont care about my last relationship. The important one is the person now. I love him so much. But dont know what I have to do with my mom sick thoughts. Its giving me more stress. Right now I am leaving with her. But I also trying to move out as soon as possible. Please help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2015): There is a large age gap...where has this bloke been all his life..in prison? Be careful of falling in love when you dont know much about the person because there are blokes with very vicious backgrounds out there and lying is just a means to an end, particularly if they sense you are available or vulnerable. Maybe mum isnt the devil in disguise...may be he makes her feel uncomfortable and she doesnt know why. Be cautious little sister, you and your life are precious, far to precious to be wasted on some scumbag..check with the police to see if he really exists under that name and see if he has any current or previous felonies or aliases.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 May 2015):
 WHO is living your life? ... You? .. or your Mother?
It's well that you are moving from her address, because that will be the key detail for YOU to exhibit that YOU are an adult... and your MOTHER will (finally) realize that you are an adult (too)..... so can make your own decisions....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015): Not having a background history, we have to wonder why your mother feels compelled to insert herself in her adult-daughter's personal-life.
If she brings up your past relationship, it is out of concern for your happiness and well-being. Living in her house, you are giving her too much access to your personal-life. You are using her for your own convenience; if you haven't taken it upon yourself to find your own place to live. If you can't afford to move-out, that is an indication to her that you are not prepared to take care of yourself. She wants you to finally find the right guy for yourself. Mistakes or not, that isn't her choice to make for you! Tell her so, firmly.
Your mother probably has no real life of her own, and if she is now in her fifties or sixties; she is beyond her prime "mothering" years. All her children are adults now, and she has nothing else left to do with her time. She needs something constructive to do with her idle-time.
Taking care of you was once her full-time responsibility.
It's hard to let go.
Your living at home still, allows her to meddle in your personal-life. If you also handle relationships badly, blame part of her over-concern on your past performance.
You can't stop her from being your mother, you can stop her from getting too actively involved in your personal-affairs.
Mothers feel their job isn't done, until they are put in the grave. So the less you expose to her about your personal-life, offers her limited information to go on.
Why would she have access to your boyfriend's phone number?
Why should she have to ask someone to leave you alone, if you were handling it well yourself? What kind of situations were you bringing to her home, forcing her intervention; which could have compromised your personal-safety as well as hers?!!!
Your dates have to meet you at HER house. YOU live under HER roof. So she feels she is still in-charge of your life, and taking care of you. SHE IS DEFINITELY IN-CHARGE OF WHAT HAPPENS IN HER HOUSE!!! While you're there, she isn't only applying her parental-authority; but she is also protecting her home! She is your landlord as well!
She deserves some respect and consideration here. If you have made a series of bad-choices and fell apart each and every-time, she has very little faith in your judgement. She also has first-hand knowledge of your past mistakes and how you reacted to them. Regardless of that, your love-life is none of her business; but try convincing a parent!!! They changed your nasty diapers, struggled to feed and care for you all your life; and they don't take being told to butt-out very well. They truly do mean well, in spite of the irritation.
You will have issues with your mother until you move out. Even then, she will still try to mother you. It will be harder, because she won't have access to your daily-life, you comings and goings, or who you're seeing. There is no getting around moving.
Then to alleviate her concerns for you; you are going to have to deal with your dating-issues without showing signs of collapse when they don't work-out. A parent cannot sleep knowing your are suffering or in pain. Beyond moving out, show her some maturity and strength. Show her some progress in the way you handle relationships. Ignore her when she decides to force an argument. Respectfully retreat, and forfeit the victory to her. You can never win. She's mother, and that makes her the lioness. She's the reason you're here on the planet.
Strong-women rarely have this kind of problem. They may have battles and disagreements with their mothers; but that's usually because they have different viewpoints due to age-differences and generational-gaps. Mothers feel they know best, so you humor them when you can; and ask them to back-off respectfully when they interfere in matters under your control.
If you're out-of-control, you need all the help you can get. That's where mothers intervene without being asked. Otherwise; you end-up on a couch paying ungodly sums of money, detailing to a stranger how she let you down.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2015):
 First, move out asap. And second, don't take what she says so at heart .So she does not like your bf. And ? ... Be cool with it. She is another person from you, with another outlook on life, other ideas etc. - so what. Apparently, you do not like the same kind of guys. Maybe you don't like the same colour ,which does not prevent you from dressing all in , say, purple even if Mom hates it , or you don't like the same food, but you still have no qualms eating your sushi that Mom finds disgusting.
The problem , I think, is that you want to be at the same time an independent, grown up woman who makes her free choices- AND Mommy's darling who wants from Mom approval, compliments and adoring glances.
Some times you can't have it all. You have to learn to do what you think is best for you, giving up your need for acceptance and approval.
She interferes, because she can. Not only because you live in her house ( I suppose on her dime ? ) but also because you LET her pick up fights about this guy. Tell her kindly and respectfully that your choice is done, and it's not up for discussion. So , might as well not to discuss it and agree to disagree. Mom is entitled to her opinion- and your are entitled to take, OR NOT, her opinion into account.
A word of caution, though- Moms can be overbearing, moms can be interfering- but seldom that just comes from the meanness of their hearts. It comes from their instinct to protect you- for LIFE, even when you are older - and from knowing you well and having the ability to see some patterns repeat, and your weak points come out.
If you have a history of " stupid " relationships, if you _have made obvious mistakes in love , if you have been involved with abusive partners, if you are the type of person who gets stuck with the wrong guy just because " I love him so much ! "- Mom knows, noticed and is worried.
So - do what you want to do ,as it is your right at your age. BUT, proceed with caution and with open eyes- if Mom finds faults in your current relationship, or current bf, chances are that she is not just being her old mean crazy interfering self. Maybe REALLY not all is gold what glitters.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (5 May 2015):
 Move out as quickly as you can! She will have less involvement in your life and you'll be able to live independently. Then you can see whoever you want without her interfering.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015): Your mum shouldnt interfere in your relationship and you should make this clear to her.
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