A
female
age
36-40,
*fm
writes:My husband told me he recents me for keeping him away from his family. I do keep him away from his family because HIS family doesn't like me .my marriage is falling apart over this we are at the point where either I let him be around his family or we are done. I don't want MY marriage to end I love my husband and little family we have,I know what I have to do to save it and I'm willing to change and allow him to be around he's family as it is affecting my husband not to be around them.My problem is that I'm afraid that his family will take him away from me because they do not like me at all They respect me because I'm with him but they do not like me for issues that happens in the past nothing major one of them being that I keep him away from them.But like I said I do it because I know they don't like me and my biggest fear is that he will leave me over them we been together for ten years and in the past year my husband hasn't been very affectionate with me and I finally got him to confess what he resents me for now that I know I'm willing to make the effort to allow him to be around them to save my marriage.but I'm very fearful how this situation will turn out.because of how much he's family doesn't like. I just want for his family to accept me and for my husband to love me the way I deserve to be loved I'm willing to try anything to save my marriage but I'm scared to be away from him when he's with he's family.how can I get over this fear . Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 It sounds like you have been a very controlling wife and I don't blame him for resenting you. Yes it can be difficult for someone if a spouses family doesn't like them, but I wouldn't like someone who kept a member of my family away from me, something that you have been doing to his family. I think you owe his family and apology and also apologize to your husband for being controlling and then get help on dealing with your problems.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 When you give up being in control of your happy bubble it’s certainly going to bring about fear because it’s threatening a change from your controlled environment.
The more insecure you are, the more you need to be and stay in control… this of course will give wear and tear on the marriage. It’s not a healthy marriage depriving a partner from visiting his family regardless of their disliking you for some issues in the past. Let the past be gone once and for all!
Ask yourself what are you fearful of the most… you taking baby steps to go along with him to see his family or him going for good because of you denying him his family? Either way you’re still in control here, just give yourself permission to let go.
Have you thought to invite or ever had his family over for a casual BBQ to show you’re not the person they may think you are? Or have you cemented their beliefs by keeping him away from them all this time?
If you what the love you deserve it will pay to act accordingly to deserve it. Presently you are receiving what becomes of your fears, insecurities and need to control. How can any husband give his wife the love she deserves under those conditions?
CAA
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (29 May 2016):
 To be honest, even if they don't like you, you shouldn't allow or ban your husband from anything, especially his family - he's not your child and family is important.Would you like someone who stopped your family member from seeing you? I wouldn't. I'm not surprised he resents you; you drove a wedge between them. Now, to fix this, you need to not "allow" him or ban him any more - just tell him he can see and speak to them whenever. My dad's mum was horrible to my mum, but my mum just stopped seeing her - she never made my dad choose between them.You need to just sit with him and explain what you're scared of, then say that you're working on it and don't want to hold him back any more.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 May 2016):
 Ahhhhh, families (BT/DT).....
If a couple can't reconcile that each "comes with" a family..... (and a background).... then the relationship or marriage may suffer or fail.
The best you could hope for is to sit down with hubby.... show him this submittal... and ask if he thinks that the two of you can "reset" the "family issue" and go back to being married.
IF this (issue) has dragged on for so long that the scar tissue cannot be softened, then you (and he) will have to accept that your marriage is over... and go your separate ways. IF you and he can figure out how to reset things... then you (both) can give your marriage a new start.
Don't expect this to be "Easy Street"..... but do expect that you and he get just this one, last, chance to try to make your marriage work...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2016):
 I think if YOU keeping him away from his family is making problems in YOUR marriage, you only really have one option to try and "fix it".
Sit your husband down and talk about it. IS he OK with the fact that they don't treat you right? And is he OK with YOU not going when he sees his family?
When you write:
"I know I'm willing to make the effort to allow him to be around them to save my marriage" My eyes bugged out of my head. How come YOU get yo decide this for him? He isn't your child, he is a grown man. Your husband.
Is your husband mentally stunted? Can't he think for himself? I am curious as to why you think YOU get to make this choice in order to CONTROL him.
OK, so they don't like you. IT happens with in-laws. You are hardly the first woman who have in-laws who don't like you. Does that mean you have the right to PUNISH your husband for their dislike? My guess is part of the reason they don't like you is because you ARE controlling.
I think you SHOULD let him go see his family. They OBVIOUSLY mean a lot to him. And who knows maybe by spending time with his family some bridges can be mended. What you are doing right now by keeping him away if REINFORCING the reasons as to WHY they don't like you.
You CHOSE to marry a guy who's family don't like you and the solution you CHOSE was to keep him away. That didn't solve the problem, it only gave him family (and now him) more reason to dislike you.
Maybe you can go visit YOUR family or friends when he goes to visit his. That way you are around people you care about (hopefully) and your mind will be focused on them, not all these imaginary scenarios you have in your head.
You know what you are doing is wrong. Make it right.
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