A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of two years decided yesterday out of no where as things are going great that hes too stressed with everything going on in his life and wants to be single to sort himself out.It was totally out of the blue and I'm utterly heart broken, I have two children that aren't his but love him to bits.He came yesterday to collect his stuff and said "I just need time to think about what I want" so I asked what was there to think about? He made it clear he didn't want me yesterday he said "I don't know, I thought breaking up was what I wanted but now I'm not sure, my want to be with you right now isn't high but I could regret it in a week I know the uncertainty of not knowing if we were together would hurt you and you wouldn't be able to hack it so I thought it would be easier to break up rather than going on a break, but if you can give me the space I desperately need then you need to accept the uncertainty of me not knowing what I want, I do love you but I want to be single more right now.I don't know how I will feel in a few days I'm very stressed with work and my mum drinking so much I'm always at the Drs.It's draining and I need to cut stress out I just need you to give me time to think, please don't be calling me non stop or texting I'll contact you Thursday"He has always been amazing to me and the only reason any of this has come about is because I went on a holiday for 5 days with my friends and he had a glimps of what life would be like without me and had less stress and over thought everythingWe agreed to meet on Thursday as my son has an important hospital appointment and he previously agreed to come with, but I'm worried that the space between now and then will make him want to be single more He's asked me not to contact him but all of this is so hard for me, I feel like my heart has been ripped out, he was on about marriage a few days before and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.I am so confused and hurt all I want is for him to change his mind we both booked the week off work to spend time with each other and now I'm stuck in the house over thinking everything and I've not eaten in daysI just need some advise on how to make this easier and how to cope with this, I feel like I'm being a mug waiting about for him to make his mind up but I just love and need him so much, but this pain physically hurts
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 Sweetie the harsh truth is he does not want to be with you, it is clear to see. He is wanting you to give him space, and you need to do that. He has agreed to come to the hospital probably out of guilt that he is leaving you and your children, but I think he knows deep down that this relationship is not working for him anymore.
You need to accept that it is over, if you ambush him with calls and texts you will drive him further away, give him the space he needs, if he really wanted to be with you he would come back.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (29 May 2016):
Ill give it to you straight. He is young and doesn't want to be tied down with a woman with two children from another man. He sees himself as having other options, and he's taking them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2016):
 Dear OP,
I know it's not an easy situation to be in, but if he is DECIDED on wanting to be single, there really IS nothing you can say or do to change his mind. It's the whole "you can bring a horse to water, but you can not make it drink" situation.
I think the best thing you can do, is tell him that you love him and you want him to be happy. If being single is what HE needs to do to figure his life out, then you wish him good luck. Let him know that you have no intentions of dating any one right now, but that you do not intend on putting your life on hold. If you are BOTH single when he is sorted out and wants to try again, good. If not, so be it. You just want HIM to be happy, even if it isn't with you.
I would also suggest that you (after your son's hospital appointment) "wean" yourself and the kids of having him around, to the point where there is little to no contact.
You need to find your way back to absolute independence from him. So DO stop texting and calling him. No reaching on Facebook or whatnot. When you see him Thursday, tell him what I mentioned earlier. That you wish him well etc. EXIT the relationship in a way that SHOWS him that you CARE about him deeply and want what's best for HIM.
If he can't handle the stress of dating you, he may NOT be the right guy FOR you. Because you, your life is the way it is.
What you CAN do while he is gone is figure out if there are thing YOU can change that will make YOUR life LESS stressful for you. Don't make it about him. But YOU and your kids.
Good luck, and I hope your son's appointment goes well.
Chin up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2016): I am sorry but it seams like he is done with the relationship.. I know how much it hurts, been there, done that. My advice will be let yourself feel the pain, I was locked in a dark room for a week after a break up and after that everything started to go to place. Know that you have lived your life all these years without him and you DONT need him as you think. Think about your kids, they need you.
Best of luck, all the best.
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