A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with the same guy for over a year, and we now live together. I am extremely sad and jealous over his previous relationship. He had wanted to marry this girl whom he lived with for over two years, but she rejected him and crushed him. He gave her everything he had. I am his first relationship after that ended, although there was a four year gap in which he had no relationships before he met me. Often I feel as if he will not care as much or be as interested as I will always be the second person whom he "loved". There's nothing I can do that he did not do with this girl! He's told me a lot about her; I became obsessed and probably should stop asking about it. Sometimes I think that he just likes me because I am a lot like her. I look more like her than anyone else where we met. He has also accidentally directly addressed me with her name when we talked about past issues that they had, which are not present in our relationship. So often I feel he only loves me due to his past relationship, and I hate that. He has told me to stop talking about her because he realizes it upsets me.I have never lived with someone and he is the first person I am serious about, so it is partly because I have no one I really loved before him.So is there any way to get over my obsession with his past, and my feeling that he has already been used up or taken by this girl? Or should I let him go, because it is making me so unhappy....
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Why is it that when a relationship is going well, women will always find something to obsess over to ruin a good thing?
You are not a serogate for his ex. He gave himself plenty of time to get over her. You keep bringing her up out of your own insecurities. Be proud of who you are. Be thankful to her for helping shape him into the man you love today. We are the cumulation of our past experiences. It's what shapes our identity, our morals, our whole lives. Instead of dwelling on the past, and making things difficult for both of you, enjoy the present. Focus on YOUR relationship together, not theirs. Their relationship is long gone, and would be in the stages of being mostly forgotten if you didn't keep bringing it up.
Don't sabotage a good thing if you have it.
One more thing. If you can't get over the fact that people have a past, you will ruin every relationship you have by doing just what you are now. Everyone has things in their past that they've moved past. Let those things rest in peace.
A
female
reader, Black diamond20 +, writes (12 August 2010):
Be happy with him he moved on its been 5 years if he wanted her they would have been together but their not he is your man and dont worry about her ..better yet stop talking about her so much that will only keep in you two relatonship ..sit him down and ask him one night "what do i do for you"and tell me what his response is i bet you feel a whole lot better..ps hope things work out.bye!
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