A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm completely turned off by my boyfriend because he likes Anna Nicole Smith's breast implants! I sent him pictures as a joke because I found them absolutely horrific, and when he wouldn't comment on them I asked him why. He finally told me he can find something sexually attractive regardless of whether it's fake or not and that it's not a reflection of me, that he loves my body (I'm a full B-cup), blah blah blah. I was surprised because he seemed so different from most guys and not into anything fake. I still love him but I've always found huge, unnatural looking implants so repulsive and offensive (because of the self-maiming, medical problems and loss of physical sensation) that he might as well have told me that he's attracted to his dog. The thought of him getting off on those images repels me and the thought of him getting on top of me makes my skin crawl! I understand there's jealousy and insecurity on my part, but I also mainly feel disgusted. He might have well as told me that he gets off on his pet dog. We've only been dating a few months and I feel like I've lost respect for him and I I'm not attracted to him now. Is this unreasonable on my part? I really think they're gross, how can I get over that?
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (5 March 2007):
Hi again - you asked some more questions
You ask: am I picking fights on purpose? Well only you know that, but you have said something pretty interesting in your answer -
you say: " I do like being with him..." well liking being with someone is the No1 reason for being in a relationship with someone
you say: "how good he is to me" and "I have a good thing", so you like being with him, AND he is good
But here's the thing: "I guess what I always saw in a mate is someone who is assertive, politcally active, aware and adventurous and he's not really these things".
What people usually want in a mate is often what they are themselves or what they would like to be themselves. And they don't always make for a great relationship anyway.
Are you these things, or do you WANT to be these things? If you want to be these things, why? Maybe they're not really you, and actually, how do you know you'd like being with a partner who is adventurous? Maybe safe and secure would suit you better.
If you enjoy being with him, you love him, and he's good to you, then maybe there's something else missing in your life, and you're choosing to interpret this as there being something wrong with HIM - certainly it's easier to trade him in for a new model than to work out what's going on in your head regarding your own life, which is much harder. Maybe something to talk about with your therapist?
Good luck!
PS I never met a therapist who ever suggested anything, by the way! ("my therapist says I should stay with him")
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (3 March 2007):
 He's with you because he wants to be with you. Is he still going to find you attractive in the future. Probably. What he won't find attractive is your insecurity and unreasonable thinking. Take it form me, I've been insecure too. The big clue for you should be this, you initiated the entire thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Chacha & Malyce,
Thank you for your comments. What do you mean, that I'm worrying about something else or I set him up and wanted this outcome? I do have issues about not being sure he's the right one for me - despite how good he is to me and in general - and because of how good he is I'm staying in the relationship...so am I picking fights on purpose?
I do love him but I guess what I always saw in a mate is someone who is assertive, politcally active, aware and adventurous and he's not really these things but everyone including my therapist says I have a good thing and should stay with him and I do like being with him...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): I feel for your boyfriend as it seems like you wanted this outcome and he must feel totally set up- I know I would.
I say learn from this and just be happy that you have the love and admiration of a good man's attentions and stop looking for ways to lose respect for them and toss them away as when you are in this mind set...it's going to keep happening.
Just love and accept yourself and love and accept the one you are with.
Avoid unnecessary topics that will tear the two of you away from one another (you know you have issues that stem from insecurities and your low self image due to implants) and work on the love and trust.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (3 March 2007):
What people like is a matter of taste - if you HATE anchovies and he likes them, does this mean you would lose all respect for him?
So long as he loves you, and finds your body attractive, and doesn't plan on running off to fondle some fake boobs belonging to someone else, the fact that he likes to look at them doesn't really impact on you, does it?
Are you sure you're not worrying about something else? Are you feeling otherwise insecure?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess what bothers me the most is that they're so unrealistically huge I would assume anyone would find them disgusting. That he would like somthing so overinflated borders on the obscene to me. I always thought that celebrities like that were a joke to everyone. I guess if I knew that many people found that look to be attractive I guess I would feel better about it.
Thanks, Agony Aunts, for calling me on it and giving me some proper perspective. I certainly am insecure and jealous and also worried that if this is the stuff he jerks off to, how can he get it up for me or anyone else with normal proportions? I have to lose some weight and when I do my breasts will be a lot smaller. Is he still going to find me attractive when he likes something like that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): I agree with all the other Aunts/Uncle here. You've lost respect for him simply because he likes Anna Nicole's fake boobs?? Sweety, he's a guy... and many of them like boobs, fake or not, huge or small. He was just being honest with you . He's right.. it's not a reflection on you! Men are visual..they enjoy visual images of nice things. So what! And it's likely he has no idea about what women put themselves through medically and physically to have those big knockers. Perhaps you could tell him, in a nice, calm way. There is nothing wrong with stating your opinions, but be careful how you do it and allow him to respond.
Dear, I do think you are being unreasonable here. You sound like a girl who does allow her insecurities to get the best of her..which can turn into an unhealthy jealousy..which can make you very controlling. If you are turned off this guy for what he has done, then give him the opportunity to find someone with more confidence and self-love, in herself. Tell him it's over. Or do the work on yourself and get your insecurities, in check. Good luck, dear
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (3 March 2007):
"I still love him""I've always found...." WHO CARES what you've always found. WOW, what a statement. He likes boobs, so what!
He doesn't have to agree with you. You sent him the picture and then YOU came down on him. There's a reason why so many get breast implants. They get them because they have really small breasts and they want to look more average. 99% of women who have them don't walk around like ana Nicole Smith. IF he had said he liked a woman who was like Ana Nicole SMith, then you might be able to question his judgement a little.
You are way out of line here and should apologize to your guy.
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (3 March 2007):
 Why are you so angry about this? What is so wrong with breast implants? It is a choice some women choose to make and it's hardly a new thing to say that men like boobs. Fake or natural men like boobs. If your boyfriend likes boobs (even if they are fake) that's just what he likes. He's a normal male. Why does it upset you so much that you compare women with implants to dogs? Do you feel inadequate compared to women with implants? Do you have feelings or jelousy? Does it make you insecure knowing that your boyfriend likes fake boobs?
My point is, loads of guys like breasts, it's a fact. You and your boyfriend may not like the same things but just because you disagree over something like this you've become so angry. If you take the example of a meat eater vs a vegetarian. A vegetarian may think it's wrong to kill animals, the meat eater will have the opposite view. The vegetarians views should not be forced on the meat eater and vice versa.
The point is, everyone should be free to make their own choices. There are going to be things that you have opposite views on but to get angry at him for being a male who likes breasts...seems a bit unreasonable to me. I don't see why that would make you angry. If you choose to live your life a certain way with all your views and beliefs that doesn't mean everyone you are involved with should do the same. Just because you think they are repulsive, that doesn't mean everyone else does. You can't force your views on someone else, it is not fair. I neither like nor dislike women with breast implants. It is a choice they choose to make and it is their body they can do what they want with it. Why would it bother you if a woman chose to have breast implants? Her implants would not affect you in any way, why would you have a problem with it?
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