| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello, i live in India and am 25 yrs of age. We live in more of a socialist environment. From the time i was growing, i found some of the customs and popular beliefs to be difficult to accept. And i generally avoided taking active interest in such social gatherings. I would rather prefer being with my close friends. This gave me of a label of being lame or ignorant about the world that existed around me. It has greatly affected my confidence mainly because i used to do good in studies and was otherwise looked as a decent person. But i constantly received bickering for being inept as a socialite and not having the skills to be treated fairly or equally with respect by some fellows in the society. I felt angry whenever i used to get such remarks but would not react for the respect i had towards the elders. Though this kept damaging my self-esteem and there was no one who would support me or stand by me, not even my family members, who were a part of the brigade.I am a highly motivated achiever and the fact that i do not get the same treatment in society as some others who are way behind in terms of achievements makes me rebellious towards the social etiquettes in general. I also get a low feeling when i think that my father who is educated himself, had been able to be quite active socially as well, whereas i find it quite absurd or a waste of time to have relationships with people the way he did. Most of them were superficial and based on the matter of interests only. My brother who is quite an immature person otherwise, is quite good in pestering others and has an upper edge in society in that context. He used this to depress me at times when he saw that i was achieving more than what he could even dream about.Now i am getting married and am unnerved by this feeling of whether i would be able to handle the relationships that may come along with it. It is badly affecting my confidence even at work where i am generally pretty smart.Please do advice as it means a lot to me to be able to manage this issues.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): Dear friend, indian customs are hard, i understand you, people always are expecting so much from you, i persume that you are having an arranged wedding, to be honest, im from the uk, my family are really open and i can do what i want (within in limits of course)...bu arranged marridges aint that bad, ur future wife is probably feeling exactly the same as you. think of it as a positive, together, u both stand against the world. thats what marridge is all about, build a friendship..a strong deep connection, and instead of wanting to please your family...please her...who cares about society...???...so many people think that they can dictate your life..when only god has given you the right to do what u want. hope all goes well, have faith :) friend x
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