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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: How do I get over him? My first love, my first everything!Of course I didn't want to end it, but I had to. You wouldn't believe the things he told me. He constantly nagged about my past... he knew an ex friend of mine who was abit friendlier... it was a purely sexual thing and this bothered my BF so much.He constantly compared to him... I tried to make nice things for my BF, I tried not to argue much, but it was futile... sometimes the nice things I did he appreciated them for a while... but the negative things were always present. And sometimes I even did nice things and he'd compare...Could you blame me for becoming bored of it? Not of him, but of the situation. We argued a lot and it's probably better off like this, but why did I have to suffer? Why not him?I love him tons! But I feel he didn't appreciate it. I even feel like he didn't really love me. Sure, when we argued I had a hard time cooling down. But if he constantly attacked my past and things that I couldn't change, how was I supposed to react? He always wanted me to keep quiet until he cooled off, but it was too hard! And why did I have to make the effort if he started the arguments anyway?This is unfair, I shouldn't be suffering, it should be him! It hurts too much, knowing that I'm wasting my love on him... I just feel that I deserve his respect and true love, but I'm not getting it. And I want it!!! I don't feel better off without him, even though he was a jerk... a jerk that I love... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, applewood  +, writes (13 May 2008):
I have been in the relationship for 8 years. Those were really the happiest days in my life. We got married after 4 years of bf-gf. And after 4 years of husband-wife no kid. We never really argue.And oneday he told me this is not what he wanted. He don't want to be with me anymore. I have to admit it there was so manything going through my mind durring those minutes. After divorce I move out and find myself a new place. Everyday I feeling sad and not be able to feel like enjoy life. I cry and feeing really sad is been almost a years now since he left me. I find it very difficult to date and going out with my friends with out being so sad. I guess I am still not get over what had just happen. After spent time drinking smoking and lock myself in my bedroom not feel like seeing people who keep asking me about him and have to answer we are not together anymore is hurt me so much. I put away or the post cards,letters,birthday card,valentine's days card, Wedding's card, photos and everything that he gave me or write to me. Our pictures each holiday and everything that remind me of him. in to the very big box of 8 years of memories that I still not have a courage to throw it away. I have calling him everyday and hoping he will get back. He still talk to me and still see me and willing to spent time when I need him to be around but really I am not doing myself a favor. When he talk to me like '' get a life and move on '' I was feeling really sad and really hurt and how it can actually ache in place that I didn't know I had inside me. After 12 months of being sad and cry myself sleep. I promissed myself I need to fix myself I have to get better. I begin to go to gym,get busy and fill up my everyday with things that keep my mind busy and a lot of comedy movie. I have problem listen to my music 'cause is remind me of him. Oh well I don't really know how can I get over someone whom I love,but not appreciate me ??? I knew it going to be a long pain journey. I often ask someone who have simila task. I ask them how long it take to get over someone ? she told me it take as long as it take. however long all that maybe,I will go somewhere new and I'll meet people who make me feel worthwhile again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Hi there ,
I am in a similar relationship (6 years now) and although things may only seem to be getting worse,you have to remember that the reason why he can't forget it's because he probably likes to be in control most of the time and Past is one of the things he can't control! what you need to find out is what is real feelings towards you are ,there is no need to be abusive in anyway believe me it only makes things worse if you don't work together to make it work it never will,and if he is totally unwilling to participate and do his share well let me tell you you better off without him life is to short to waste it with someone who doesn't love you!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Hi,
There are millions of guys out there like this - they moan and groan about their partner's past obsessed with how they weren't virginal and that other men have spoiled them.
There is nothing you can do with this type of man, they are self absorbed controlling arseholes. Consider yourself lucky that you havent got 3 kids in tow and have to rely on him for support ( like some others we see on this site )
don't worry most guys won't give a hoot who you slept with in the past - put this one down to bad experience.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 You do deserve love, respect and appreciation. Why do you feel he should be the one that's suffering? Let me tell you this, and this goes for every happiness, sadness, anger and all other feelings you may have. They are yours. You own them. Here's the interesting part of all of it. You choose the way you react to all situations, including this suffering. You're feeling this way because its a choice you've made in how to deal with this situation. It took me so long to get this as well. I'd be saying, well they did this and therefore caused me to feel this way. I was told, No, they did a single action, you chose how to respond to that action.
You may have feelings for him, but that doesn't mean you're good together as a couple. That's just a realization I think all of us go through at lease once. It's hard to accept at times, but reality.
I hope you find the respect and love you deserve. Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I'm the original poster... Oh, BTW, how did he find out about my past? Well HE ASKED, I didn't wanna tell him but he insisted... So I todl him, even though I didn't want to... I knew he'd judge me harshly...
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