A
female
age
30-35,
*lueydblond
writes:Okay so, I am so unbelievably curious if I am a good girlfriend.Okay I have been dating this same guy for 8 months now, and I really do love him. This summer we are both planning to move in together and maybe get married later on. He can be so loving and caring at times, and at other times, mainly when his friends are around him, he acts different.He acts as if my feelings do not matter, and he acts like I am always over reacting. Here is the main problem we seem to be having lately. Okay, so he has been smoking weed for like 4 years now, and he was into weed AND coke heavily when I first met him. I was not aware of this though. Well when we started talking and started getting closer, he started to realize that I wasn't into drugs of any sort.So he completely quit weed and coke cold turkey. He despises coke now but likes weed still. I tell him all the time, as calmly as I can that I do not want drugs of any kind, whether it be chemicals, plants, mushrooms...just any drug, i do not want a part of my life.Well last week sometime I went over to his house to visit with him. His two friends, J and E were there. J is a known pothead around here and he always has it on him. E is a major dealer around here and he doesn't come around so much, but was there that day, I'm guessing because of J. Anyway...my boyfriend has previously promised me that he would stop smoking all together because he sees how bad it hurts me when he does it and he cares about our relationship. Well that day when I arrived, I was so excited to see him. I haden't seen him the day before.So I look into his eyes and let me tell ya...HE WAS SO BLAZED...even i noticed it. I didn't say anything at first because I didn't want o make a scene.He thought i wouldn't notice. Well needless to say I pulled him aside and asked him about it. He denied it and denied it until I just didn't even want to look at him anymore.I knew he was lying to me, so I told him that his sister (who also smokes on a regular basis with J and him) was the one who spilled the beans about him being high. Once I said that, he got quiet, and I knew he was lying. THEN he still denied it after I asked him once more. So I said..."Baby, you look me dead in the eyes and tell me that you swear on our love that you did not smoke!"He said "Baby I swear on our love that I did not smoke at all!"I still knew he was lying. So I looked at him and told him I was finished with his lies and I didn't want him anymore. Then he fesses up and says "Okay Baby. I did smoke today. I am so sorry for lying but I was afraid if I told you the truth, you'd leave me."I said "No baby. You're wrong. I wouldn't have left you if you would have told me the truth. But since you lied to my face several times, I am leaving you now." He started crying and I felt terrible. I felt as if maybe I was over reacting. Should I just let him smoke weed if that is the only drugs he wants to do? Should I sacrifice what I believe in just to keep him? And also, How could I get him to stop. I know he really does love me. But he has never had such a caring, faithful and dedicated girlfriend like me. So it's different for him. But even though that is the truth, I still feel like I am only making excuses for him.Am I being an irrational girlfriend, or am I being a good one?I am so confused. I do not want to lose him but I want him to see what I see...IS that possible?--XoXoXo--Thanks!
View related questions:
drugs, smokes Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Sweetie, you have used your only weapon. From what I can see, his fear is you leaving, you must stand your ground and not make idol threats. If he cares enough then he will stop, completely if you threaten to leave.
So now you need to have the conversation with him, IF YOU SMOKE AGAIN AT ANY TIME, IM GONE. No compromise, no guilty puppy eyes making you feel bad, you have to mean it or it wont happen.
He has a choice, keep a good woman with his best interests in mind, or smoke because it impresses friends and keeps them on his side?
I speak so strongly because I have been there. If you want to know more PM me.
Dont go against everything you stand for to keep ANY man...seriously, they are not worth it, and you get no thanks for hanging around.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): If this guy used to use coke and now his drug of choice is weed, he still has an addiction, he is not going to give it up for your love and he will continue to lie to you, probably about many things because he knows you and he have different values.
This relationship is not going to work for both of you....you can't stand his dope smoking, drug dealing friends and where do you think they are going to hang out once he moves in with you, and the dairy queen? No.
You will turn into a nagging shrew, and your life will be miserable....leave him to his addictions, maybe losing you will be the wake up call he needs to stop using drugs all together.....if he feels that weed enhances his life and doesn't hurt then he is going to be unwilling to stop....even the fact it is illegal does not matter to him, obviously....so it is up to you, but you sound pretty firm on the no drugs policy.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Should you compromise your beliefs? Nope. If you do, wouldn't you be infact living a lie yourself? If you begin compromising, you begin lowering your standards of what you are and are not willing to accept in a relationship.
It's great to hear you stood your ground when he wasn't being truthful. You didn't back down. That shows a lot in a person about who they are.
I have the same belifs you do. I don't allow drugs to be around me or my children. That's something I won't budge on. If I lower my standards their, what else would I compromise to be in a relationship?
You have good reason to end it, but it sounds like he has an even bigger reason to stop the drugs.
...............................
|
