A
male
age
36-40,
*lias me
writes:I am a 23 year old and have real problems when it comes to girls. I cant seem to get over these 2 girls that I was involved with. One of these girls is my x girlfriend. We were friends for ages and kept rejecting me for other guys then after some time apart when I went to university she asked me out. It was so great when we went out everyone though we were a great couple,we allways had great conversations which lasted for hours we allways had a laugh it was going out with my best friend. It was awesome but when she said that she wanted to wait a while before we had sex I said that it was fine because I am a virgin and I also wanted to wait for the right moment she then went right off me and then she dumped me via telephone saying she just didnt feel the same anymore and she didnt want to see me again it left me crushed. Then there is this other girl who came along shortly after, this other was a friend I met years ago when I was in france we became very good friends allways talking online for hours,I knew from the begining she had a bf so I allways kept it only casuall friendship between the 2 of us. But she would allways say these risky flirty things to me.Like she allways be overly complementing me, saying about she cant wait to see me and that me and her should pretend to be bf and gf when she visits me in England next. when I had a gf she told me that she was jelous, she even asked me out once just because I said to her that I dont want to date anyone, I said what about your bf and she said that she didnt think her relationship would last. She then moved to a place near me while still technically with her bf. But she would be constantly flirting with me still holding my hand, cuddling upto me, sitting on my lap etc...everyone thought she was my gf even my parents. It got to a point where I thought I had to do something so I gave her a christmas gift with a note saying even though I know she has a bf and even though I had no hope or agenda that I have feelings for her. Well after that she just ignored what I said and carried exactally the same, then I got annoyed and stopped speaking to her she then sent a message saying that shes lost 3 guys allready who admitted they had feelings for her but she would be heartbroken if she lost me. Anyway she then stoped speaking to me, the only 2 girls in my life I ever cared about both ignore me now, its been over a year and I cant get them out of my head I really worry about them hoping they are both ok but at the same time the thought of them with other guys absolutely kills me, how can I stop being so pathetic ?? I genuinely feel that I will never find love again :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): I'm afraid I don't have any magical thing to tell you, just that this is a part of life, and it's a part of being a man. I've had my heart broken and I've broken some hearts. Every relationship is just not going to work out the way one half of it wants to.
But I think TasteofIndia is right inasmuch as she is right on about the type of personality these girls have. They're just playing right now and you can't fall in love with someone who's playing, because you are and will be just played.
I would encourage you to not give up on love, but stop trying so hard for it and stop getting too much into the way you feel about a girl. Try playing yourself a bit (don't go trying to break their hearts, just don't plan on giving yours away to every girl who shows interest). When you truly find love, you won't be expecting it and you won't see it coming. In the meantime, let it find you, stop looking so hard for it.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 They both don't sound like the kind of girl you want to be in a relationship with. Girl A's mysterious and abrupt exit upon hearing about your virginity was rude and really not something that a supposed "best friend" would do.
Girl B seems to really enjoy attention if she's regularly breaking guys hearts. She probably flirts way too much with nearly every guy she meets, gives them the impression she has feelings for them and leaves them all drooling in her wake... all the while, she keeps a permanent boyfriend.
These girls don't sound like keepers. You will find love, and you'll find it in someone who genuinely cares about you exclusively, and would be exited to hear about your virginity! You will make someone feel really special and lucky. You sound like you really love to care about people - that quality makes you such a catch!
Don't worry about those 2 girls. There is nothing to worry about. You will find love!! If you want to speed the process, just add more activity and variety to your life. The more you get out and do things you enjoy, the more people you'll meet. There is a woman waiting to be loved by you, and she can not WAIT to meet you. You are not pathetic, sweet thing... those two girls who missed out on a good thing are. It is time to move on.
Good luck, sweet!
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